K.J.

Not ready

2012-02-12T21:22:00.002+08:00

I'm araid for school to begin.

The work load to come in.

I just had sooo much fun and bodning with my orientation group.

I really loved orientation.

I know no one in my class

What if people aren't friendly to me?

I'm not ready to start thinking of an EE topic.

I'm not sure if I can actually get into Student Council(I REALLYREALLY WANNA)

I'm just feeling so insecure about the rollercoaster that's about to start.

Must. Trust. In. God. Gulp.

Long Time No See

2012-02-05T21:32:00.005+08:00

So yup! No matter how faraway a particular event seems, in life, it will always eventually come to pass!

I had a dream on Monday morning, the day of my posting, I dream that, in my dream, my alarm rang just before the supposed school posting time of 8am, at around 7.57. Then i woke up, prayed like I had in plan, I just said in my prayer,

'Dear Father God, I will trust in You.'

Then I picked up my phone and just when i clicked to check my posting on SMS,

.

.

.

.

I WOKE UP HAHAHAHAHAHA

.

.

So I was rather sleepy, the sky wasn't bright, so it was before 8am and I was like eh... just check phone la. So I check.

.

.

.

Got strange number! So I thought... well i Already prayed in my dream, so i gay kiang very fast go open the text message and it said:

.

.

.

Then i was like Wah Sian... so much for hoping, but tis ok, so i was super sleepy, told my parents... I was actually accepting the idea of going down for a super siao orientation at ACJC and stuff like that inside I was disappointed but my posting photo got a lot of likes on FB and stuff so I started to be feeling very grateful for everything and knew that it would really be ok and great eventually cuz yeah... after all this time, how could I not trust in God? After all these months, it came to acceptance, looking at things on God's side and being calm.

So my day went on pretty fine and i had accepted it, nervous, slightly jealous but accepting it really...

Rushed an appeal down to ACSI and then i got a call in the afternoon saying I GOT ACCEPTED:D

So yeah. God gave me that.

And its a blessing and a place in the school which i will not waste, I'll work hard.

And yeah, God has given me so many things to be grateful for so far.

Like how I'm ina CCA thats on Saturday which was supposedly 'family day' and cannot be touched.

AND A REALLY AWESOME CRAZY OGGGGG.

Yeah....

My point being, i think all it came down to, was just to surrender to God and to accept what He would give me...

Yeah. And no matter what happens through these two years in this school, i just hope that I'll always be grateful for a place in my new CCA and in school:)

Cheers, God is so good.

Its a New Year And Friday The 13th

2012-01-13T21:03:00.005+08:00

So like I've said before, in time, the things we expect, no matter how far away, will really come to pass, its a strange feeling once everything is over. The outcome is laid before you and all those moments of prayers for peace and anxiousness are all in the past.

I can't really describe how I feel to say that my results are out, I've applied for my JAE, and I've actually gotten tired of waiting to see where I go. I'm tired. I give up. I trust in God.

No amount of worrying or pressure or fear will change what God has set out for me. I'm just waiting for MOE to text me at 6am with my posting. HAHA.

Yeah. I feel like I've been forced to a surrender of everything I want, sometimes I think, I care too much about what i want.

There was one night in Austria, I felt like I couldn't sleep, i felt like my heart wasn't right with God so i just sad in my bed facing a wall like they make all those ADHD kids in oreschools do, HAHA) and it finally came to the point where I had to realign myself to why I was living and not forget that while on holiday still.

I think very often, I have to remember to love Him more than anything else, and that we're living for God's glory alone.

...

Yeah. Anyway...

OK YOU SEE THAT, THIS NOTE IS TO ALL GUYS ESPECIALLY, THAT THING YOU SEE, IS CALLED A T LIFT.

IF YOU ARE A GUY, I ABSOLUTELY CAUTION YOU WHEN TAKING IT AS A SNOWBOARDER

I TELL YOU STORY OK?????

So there I was, after falling off it for the 2nd time... I brave up and take it again... you see that T in the picture? It goes inbetween your legs and you get dragged up the hill on your snowboard sideways...

So I fallover, and the guy operating the lift kinda knows im a regular... at like falling of the lift, so he doesnt stop it.

REMEMBER THE T BAR IS STILL BETWEEN MY LEGS OK...

So I'm there, on the ground, collapsed, one leg still strapped in snuggly into my board... and then I try to pull the T bar out... I struggle... The whole lift still moved and slams me in crotch

BAM BAM BAM!!!

I scream.

I yelp.

So I continue to struggle but the lift is still operating, the elastic for the T bar has run out, I pull down and just as i release it, it slams me in the crutch again.

POW!!!!!

ARGHHHHHHH

If i were a guy, I almost garuntee you that i cannot have children alr.

....

Oh yeah.

I finally went to Ah Kong's grave after so long...

I wasn't that sad cuz standing there amongst all those graves at the christian cemetery site, i realised that between me and all those who have passed, we all share a common future in God's kinddom. And that was really comforting. If not, even encouraging and gave me hope knowing that I'll be there too with them and God.

Trust... Lika Mask

2011-12-29T23:33:00.003+08:00

Ok so if you have read more previous posts, you would know that I am struggling with trust and I have found the right attitude to have blahblahblah

But sometimes I wonder really if trusting God is something I've been doing because I know its the right thing to do or because its the thing that really is true in my life.

After countles interactions with friends and telling them that I'm upset that I'm going to the school of not my first choice, I kinda feel sth is wrong with my attitude.

Because I guess its through trust in God that I can say that everything is really gonna go great and that's honestly something to be grateful about. So what makes me wonder if I always tell people that I trust in God but am not fully sincere in it is because I am still a little upset.

I should be happy about whatever God has planned for me and I'm not. There's no joy, its more like.. I will because i have to but trusting God is like my number 2 feeling. It should have alwways been my number 1.

Good grades, bad grades, be grateful and joyful in God.

But I don't feel that way, i feel like I've been just saying it without meaning it.

There's a crazy group of folk out there who call themselves the Westboro Baptist Church. They say they always rejoice in God's every judgement.(although they geta little radical here by 'praising God' for tsunamis and people getting KIA and stuff like that). But I wish I had that kinda attitude. A real trust in God should bring about a joy in Him that is far greater than a 7A1 certificate.

And that's been on my mind today.

Flying off to Austria tmr... honestly a little tired of all the travelling but I ahvent skiied in over a year and although I love it, and am tired, I'm grateful overall for these kindsa blessings. Over and out and take care, can't wait to see you all in the new year:)))

This Is The Cry Of My Heart

2011-12-24T00:55:00.002+08:00

Jesus, Lover of my soul,
All consuming fire is in Your gaze,
Jesus, I want You to know,
I will follow You all of my life,
There's no one else in history is like You,
And history itself belongs to You,
Oh,Alpha and Omega, You have loved me,
And I will share eternity with You,

It's all about You, Jesus,
And all is for You,
For Your glory and Your faith,
It's not about me (oh no)
As in You should do things Your way;
You alone are God and I surrender, ( You alone are God)
You alone are God and I surrender, (You alone, you alone)
You are alone are God and I surrender.. To Your will (only to You Lord)
(It's all about You)

Jesus.. Lover of my soul,
All consuming fire is in Your gaze,
Jesus, I want You to know,
That I will follow You all of my days,
No one else in history is like You,
And history itself belongs to You,
Oh,Alpha and Omega, You have loved me,
And I will spend eternity with You.

It's all about You, Jesus,
And all this is for You,
For Your glory and Your faith,
It's not about me (no Lord)
As if You should do things my way,
You alone are God and I surrender;
(It's all about You)

It's all about You, Jesus,
And all is for You,
For Your glory and Your faith,
It's not about me, As if You should do things my way,
You alone are God and I surrender (You alone)

Oh, You alone are God and I surrender (You alone)
You alone are God and I surrender
You alone are God and I surrender
Oh, You alone you are God and I surrender
(You alone are God)

...

I'm writing Christmas cards halfway, and listenning to some music, So i went from Moves Liek Jagger, Down to All About Us and Kiss Me Slowly To Kari Jobe and then I saw the link for this song on youtube.

And I listenned to it and I can't stop right now and I can't continue writing my card to Kenny. I was looking at the lyrics and it's exactly what I have to say God to at this point in my life. I feel like reading it to God in prayer.

It's like 1am. But this song is just so beautiful.

Adore

2011-12-15T23:38:00.005+08:00

I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You’re beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It’s all proclaiming who You are
You’re beautiful, You're beautiful

I see you there hanging on a tree
You bled and then you died and then you rose again for me
Now you are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You’re beautiful, you're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity’s shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing
You’re beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see Your face, You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful
I see Your face, You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful
I see Your face, I see Your face
I see Your face, You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful

This was the song that played on the 3rd night of camp and when the words You're beautiful came up on screen, I was so glad and so ready to sing them to God.
...

This song is going to be my wedding march. HAHA.

...
Anyway i tell you why:

On the first night, aunty caroline came and spoke to me and said a whole bunch of things, but she ended with 'you're more beautiful than you'll ever know'.

In case any of you don't know.

I DONT THINK IM BEAUTIFUL. I THINK IM LIKE A COW WHO'S TOTALLY NOT PRETTY. LIKE SOMETIMES I THINK IM UGLY.

Ok. 'nuff said.

But on the second night, During worship or whenever, i can't remmeber, suddenly God just said to me

'My child I made you and you're beautiful to me.'

I wrote it down.

...

I just thik its beautiful. That God thinks I'm beautiful and I think God's beautiful. And we say it to each other.

Hah, but really...

Jym Camp + Trip

2011-12-15T22:30:00.005+08:00

Venice was really great overall.

I can honestly say that at times I do get sick of shopping holidays so history and stuff + sightseeing is definitely funZ(although accidental shopping is something IO wouldn't mind totally :X)

Great food.

And that's all I have to say

...

JYM camp was great. I thank God that I got to be the leader of a group for once in my life. It is tiring but its even more rewarding and my group made me really proud. All of them. There's tons of memories I'll takeaway from being with them. And I thank God for the time well spent with them. I think I made some new friends too:D Which is of course, just wonderful. Haha

I think I came to camp with only one thing I wasn't that sure of. That would definitely be my future. Like yeah... After trying my best at O levels, i can honestly say the rest is really up to God. All things come from Him. Good results. I'm very happy to say that I got yet another edusave award for good progress this year. 3 years in a row and I know that is truly God's grace towards me. It's a blessing. And all things come from Him.

It's also easy to realise that He can not let things happen. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open.

Although god may have shut the door on where I want to go, that's fine. Because I know His plan for me is going to be beautiful anyway. And trust and letting go of it all has been having a little tight knot in my heart cuz I really haven't heard good things. But I'll stay hopefully the most I guess. And my hope in God is what i can cling to. So yupz.

Cheerz to next year!

2011-12-15T22:10:00.004+08:00

My Other half is up in Heaven
I want to be like Him
We're alike in many ways
And yet we are so different

My other half is so perfect
One day I'll be with Him
But before I get to where He is
I'm carried through troubles on His wings

I cannot be myself without Him
In Him my destiny is made
I can't imagine life without Him
I try to remember Him in what i think and do and say

Because i am only human
Truly perfect I cannot be
But He sacrificed His life
And that has made me free

Jet-lag 625am Musings

2011-12-04T13:26:00.003+08:00

I really wanted to put up the picture of our giant tub of marble slab creamery ice cream from our DG camp up here but I can't do it cuz I'm using the iPad( ok fine, I guess I just dont know how to.)

It's 630 am here and all the family members are either asleep or cannot sleep, my dad for sure isnt cuz he isn't snoring, HAHA. Ok maybe I shouldn't have told you that....

Anyway I can't remember when but it must've been late at night when I think God told me something... Or the idea randomly came into my head, but I think it was divine anyway. I was closing up the whole house cuz I was the last one to get into my room and go to sleep but I remember suddenly the idea of a best fit line came not mind.

In physics, especially the SPA component of it, we always have to draw some form of graph(which I absolutely deteste because almost always, it would have to be redraw which makes it the most taxing and ridiculous part of the whole thing cuz you can end up doing it againandagainandagain, waste time one).

And then I remembered that after plotting all our points for it, the line doesn't always pass through every single point. Ok fine. It NEVER passes through every single point(with a few occasional exceptions).

I thought about how this parallels to our own lives. Things never seem perfect in our lives.

We plot our goals and dreams, aspirations, wants and hopes, but not always does God allow it to happen in the course of our own lives

Yet God draws it such, that everything is meant to be 'best fit'. it's the best plan for our lives. If we try so hard to hit a particular point that our whole lives go off track to reach it, that wouldn't be right either. On a whole, it's the best line that it could be lived on. Even if disappointment strikes when some of our 'points' aren't fulfilled.

I kinda guess God revealed this to me since the theme of my spiritual life for a time now has been but 'trust'.

And I'll trust that God will always make my life 'best fit' for my purpose to Him

Ok.

It's 645am now. Daddy's awake. Gonna convince him to go have an early breakfast...

I'm Leaving On An SIA Plane

2011-12-01T23:05:00.004+08:00

Tomorrow I'm heading off to Italy. Gonna be quite glad to see Milan and Venice for the first time so I guess there's reason to be happy about it, yet I will indeed miss home. Will be back the Sunday before JYM camp and hopefully I'll have the strength to make it for both JYM and E3.

Been busy having fun all the time, I guess I'm starting to question if I'm really on fire for God in it. Honestly I don't think I am. Acknowledging his work around me doesn't seem enough. Serving Him doesn't amke it seem enough either.

I wonder if i learn aomething new about God everyday or if I can feel our relationship growing.

I don't know what to do that will fufill this craving of mine. I wonder if reading prupose driven life will enlighten me to what I need to do. As of now, I'm definitely at a loss.

After Os

2011-11-26T21:20:00.004+08:00

I could never imagine what it'd be like finally reaching the after Os period. haha.

I've decided that I shouldn't geta job ebcause I'd be leaving the country like 3 times? Totalling a period about 3 weeks(4 days Ipoh, 9 days Autria, 9 days Venice). Not to mention JYM camp and the DG retreat. Plus the Holidays are so short, sow what's the point in it all anyway?

I've been thinking about results day to be honest. I can imagine receiving my results, in an envelope all sealed up and I can honestly say that i wouldn't be in a rush to see what it contains. I think it's bad, I'd like to bring it home and open it quietly. Prolong my bliss and disacceptance of not having done my best.

.........

I've also been developing a schedual myself, It goes like this:

Wakey at 8-10, bathe, do QT, do house chores, essential stuff.

Leave the house about lunch time, 12-1+, go ouyt, partayyyyyy.

7+, go out for dindin with the parents/any strange night activities.

9-10, get home, use computer

12pm, sleep(although i would like to sleep earier

Seems pretty managable. i haven't worn out from partying.

Oh and did I tell you I've been dreaming so much lately?

My dreams are mostly events, very real, sometimes I imagine myself doing things that i did that day. Sometimes they're wishes. Stuff like school, involving my friends or those I know around me. I've been chosing to forget my dreams which are then often recalled in the morning.

I wonder if life will start to feel meaningless soon. But I guess this is what I'd like to think of as a really good break. I can take QT slowly. I can think about God.

I just have time. And letting it slip by quickly is something I've never gotten the opportunity to do so in a long time. Leisure. Finally.

There are things which seem to take up the main time in my week, and everything get's organised around them.

I've been thinking abotu JC, what I would experience. I think I can really say that I don't mind being staying in school a little longer, I wouldn't mind the structure and discipline that it all provides so I can say I'm not upset about that.

Yeah. Life sometimes feels just full of stuff. No matter which path you choose, JC, Poly, Uni, life always feels like stuff after stuff. It's one obstacle over another that we cross.

That's where I guess being God's really keeps me anchored

...

But I guess there's one thing I'll never stop doing.

Which is trying to be more Christlike. I wonder if my efforts have remained the same during and after O levels. I guess the option and availibility of time to ponder over the many things about your behaviour and the way of the world is there eh? haha. Yes I mean it.

Two days til its over

2011-11-12T22:14:00.004+08:00

Well yes,

I never could have imagined the feeling of being just one paper away from freedom.

I could never have imagined that I'd feel this way by the time I get here, definitely not as confident or sure of myself as I thought I would be. Definitely very anxious, and definitely having a change in my heart and mind about the outcome and prospects of my results.

I ever thought that there would be a possibly of things not going according to my plans.

I never saw such gigantic once-in-a-sec-school-life muck ups occuring on my actual O level papers.

I never thought that I should watch Facing the Giants before my O level papers(GREAT LESSON INSIDE, GO WATCH BEFORE IMPORTANT EXAMS)

I'm just surprised that I've actually arrived at this moment in time and surprised that I'm feeling this way.

I'd never thought that I'd have to realise that I can't back down or give up, God demands my best, and through it I will honour Him through that. I will

Precious

2011-11-03T20:46:00.005+08:00

Anyway ya'll know by now, well if you're my FB friend that Physics kinda killed me too. Ok not kinda, it really did kill me.

But my grandparents were nice enough to take me out to dinner that night to try to cheer me up. Which is extremely kind of them to do so.

I was force fed much Japanese yummy foods and dessert and we talked about prettaye cool stuff.....

GD: Do you know how many stomachs cows have?

Me: FOUR!

GD: Correct!

Gran: Howabout camels?

GD: They a have a giant pack in their stomachs to carry water

Me: I heard they can drink up to 18 pails of water

GD: And God made all this<3

Another one was in the car, we were talking about noisy Ferraris and motorbikes that pass by our convo and then I told my grandma that I had seen an eagle fly unto our roof. And she started talking about why God was like an eagle. Then my GD told us about what eagles to after 40 years where they go to a cliff and break their beaks and claws so it can grow again.

Yeah......

These were the same GPs I talked to about all the info I had learnt watching Animal Planet the whole afternoon in their house after coming back from kindergarten/primary school. Really precious duo.

Anyway,

Besides that, I've also learnt something interesting.

I know I've said it a lot and I might say it again,

but I feel like giving up, but I shouldn't. Why?

Well, I'm in it for giving God the glory, no matter how much it seems to be the worst thing ever, I'm in it for God, to say that He's the one who really keri-ed me through this whole period. It sucks right now, these feeling I'm having after losing out on my papers, even if a long time has passed in between. That feeling of regret is still there, I won't deny it.

Not regret la but disappointment.

But my hope's not in these things. My hopes not that I've been topping the class in a particular subject and I should hope to get it again.

My trust isn't even in myself. I can't trust my smarts, that's not trustable. I can't trust what's happened before because I know that that was God's grace all along and He has the sovereignty to take it away.

I can trust in God. And I can hope for whatever future that's coming(well in minds eye right now, its one where I'm wearing the ACJC uniform).

So yeah.

The word trust has been appearing to me for like 2 months now. And this is a journey of trust.

Hi Friends

2011-10-31T10:36:00.004+08:00

I KNOW,

they always say don't blog whenever you're feeling extreme emotions. But I am now and I needa let it out.

I epically screwed up my lit.

EPICALLY.

It's not funny. I'm really upset.

Especially since when I came outta the room my friend who had extra time wasn't being very sensitive to me either.

I'm just really crestfallen. I expected it to go so much better.

Blame God?

Nah.

Its just I know I can't go onstage. There's a chance I'll go to ACJC now. Wah sian max.

I thought my lit was seriously AT LEAST average.

But I swear I'm going to fail badly.

9/25.

Gah. I can almost see it.

My SS wasn't bad.

I was encouraged to see 43/50 for my mock.

But now I feel like there's no hope. The best i can get overall is probably a b3??? Raw score. That is if another 43/50 comes along for the Os. Gah. I want 50/50. Then just pass for both lit questions can get A1.

But that's like impossible. i wanna give up so bad right now you have no idea.

I can't go onstage for 7A1s. Like almost confirm unless my Cambridge marker is stupid la.

But of course he's not.

Later got lit paper. But right now no mood.

I need to pray. And I need prayer. I'm soooo sour now.

I need to ability to forget the past and move on.

Even when the past has serious repercussions on the future.

I feel...

2011-10-26T21:10:00.002+08:00

Hungry.

For knowledge about God. Haha. It's the same feeling I had before the end of Mid years, I hingered for reading books. Now I hunger for reading christian books. I realised my Dad has purpose driven life, but the guy who wrote it said i should only read one chapter a day....

I need good christian books. And I am hungry for such. How ah?

I want to grow sia. Must find out more.

Desperate

2011-10-20T21:39:00.007+08:00

This afternoon, I was supposed to meet my mum and her friends and one of their daughters out for lunch. I had a dress in mind and a pair shoes in mind and I knew I really wanted to wear my red bow headband.

When it was time for me to change and go out, I misplaced my bow hairband right after wearing it.(Basically i blur and kinda lost it lar)

I was actually reallyreally desperate to find it because I thought it would compliment what I was gonna wear. So I just had to find it.

I searched high and low, getting on my knees to look under things, searching every room in the house. Under tables, behind stuff toys or hidden between pillows, but i really couldn't find it.

So since I was becoming desperate(and late), I started to speak to myself. Out loud...

Then I got even more desperate and started to pray out loud to God. Asking Him desperately to give it to me or reveal it somewhere and quick...

I searched in vain(haha literally also), getting more desperate and searching in weirder nooks and crannies... However hard I called out to God and searched, I couldn't find it.

Then just as I was standing up from crawling to look under things somewhere, God spoke to me so clearly. Or a thought hit me lar. But I think it was from God since it was pretty random.

'Why don't you look for Me like you look for your hairband?'

In Jeremiah 29:13, it says:

'You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'

How I keep telling myself that I want to fill my thoughts with thoughts of Him and find Him and seek to be rooted deeply with Him. But how much passion do I have to seek Him with strong desperation and a yearning that is hard to match.

Howabout a sense of urgency that my life here is short and that He is of greatest importance in all things?

Do I have that when i look for Him? Do i really look for Him that much? How much do I yearn for 'finding' Him? Is my greatest desire to have Him reveal more about Himself to me in life that I would fall ever more hungry to learn more?

Well to an extent, to all those questions.

But to what?

Anyway... Immediately I felt really bad because I this morning I had just had a really distracted QT session. It was short and my mind was drifting here and there and I wasn't all on about searching God and pouring out my heart before Him.

So then, in all my sadness, I said out loud.

'Oh fine God, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry I was so distracted today. I wasn't giving You all my attention. Are You punishing me? If so, its ok, i understand, You have every right to. I'm sorry. Although I really want my bow, I know I'm getting what I deserve.'

So i told God I'll do one last round of searching... and I found it. Under my sister's bed.

There's nothing like that sense of happiness when you finally have something that you've been searching really hard for.

I was really grateful that God finally gave it to me. Or the sense to check under her bed cuz it rolled there. My point being, whenever we learn more about God or grow in Him, we get that feeling. When we accomplish something in life which reveals to us more of God or His will and His heart for us or get over a hurdle in life. We 'find' God. I just hope I'll do it more, seeking Him with all my heart. And I wanna do that all the time.

I Need To

2011-10-17T22:47:00.007+08:00

-Study well

-Stop listenning to clubbing music at night and go to bed instead

-Seek God with all my heart

...

Time flies and i find myself dreaming of my after Os too much........

Personality vs Persona

2011-10-10T21:01:00.006+08:00

So whats the diff?

Personality- The essential character of a person

Persona- A person's received or evident personality

I was thinking about something that Aunty Carol mentioned really briefly during the sexuality talk yesterday(yes, as much as i was thinking of ponning, I did take away something). She just said one sentence about whether we fall in love with who the person really is, or whether we fall in love with a person's persona.

So last night during QT i was thinking about it.

I've heard friend's say they what they want in a guy.

-sporty

-musician

-someone who can make me laugh(i quote exact words, because scold me if I'm wrong, but I'm thinking they want a funny guy)

Everytime we play truth or truth and i list down what i want in my man, its the only 3 I really have(I have 4 la. But Criteria 3 and Criteria 4 always switch and have a tough fight)

1. Loves God more than He loves me

2. Emotionally mature

3. Can think independently

[4. Oii I can't remember]

But my point being, that's the only 4 I have. I have nothing more.

So last night while talking to God i was like

'OH MAN. THESE GIRLS HAVE GOT THEIR POTENTIAL HUSBANDS ALL FIGURED OUT. I'VE GOT NOTHING ON MY LIST COMPARED TO THEM.'

They can state introvert and extrovert. Some can state sport. I seriously can't state anything else.

In a world where boys chas pretty girls and girls chase 'nice' guys(persona), I am losing out.

But after talking to God, I have been comforted by the fact that its true. Your persona of say... being a smart cookie or a jock, doesn't dictate who you are on the inside.

It's often easy to see how people chase personas.

That cute girl... That cute guy...

People even list them as things they look for in a partner. I don't care.

And rightfully so.

Your persona isn't your character. I won't deny a buff guy looks good. And a guy won't deny a pretty girl is attractive.

That's fine. People are liddat one. We have our 'types', but the thing about chasing someone because of an outter shell is different.

OK LA, OK LA FINE LA. I BE HONEST. I THINK WE SHOULDN'T LA. CUZ YOU WANNA LOVE THE PERSON FOR THE ESSENCE OF WHO HE OR SHE IS NOT FOR THE COVER OR FACADE THEY POSSESS

And I'm fine with my four criterias.

After All This While

2011-10-02T20:59:00.005+08:00

I have come to realise that QT cannot be everything.

I can say that God has blessed my walk, I've grown so far in Him, I do QT everyday. which I'm not trying to sound proud about.

Its just after hearing everyone talk about how much they strive to do QT everyday, I'm convinced that...

QT is not everything about your walk with God.

Sure its the time that we spend talking and growing with God, its the quiet time we take off to hear the voice of God. Its precious time we spend with Him.

But it most certainly does not define our relationship with Him.

And that's how I honestly feel. Just cuz I do QT everyday, doesn't mean i'm constantly praying to Him outside of it. I'm not necessarily being quiet and still as I live my life from day to day, praying to Him when I'm walking around, doing house work, homework.

God isn't confined to QT.

And like in Ivan's sermon today, whether you do it everyday or not, doesn't make your walk any closer to him. You don't judge your spiritual life like that. I can sincerely believe that I'd just like to have God more involved in my life. Or the other way around, let God be more involved in my life. In my thoughts, in my day to day tasks, not just in my fears or in my O level stress, but in my life. As a whole.

Doing QT everyday, or not doing QT everyday doesn't mean you're more close to God, doesn't mean you prioritise Him more. Ok fine, so you would prioritise Him by making time for Him each and everyday, which as people have told me, instills that spiritual discipline. But I'd like to see God in my everyday. For all I know, I could do QT like 7/7 days a week. Another bugger, 4/7? but the person carries God everywhere. Prays frequently throughout his or her day and seeks God outside of that half an hour a night. I'd rather be bugger number 2 at times.(Ok la, but my time during QT with God is also very improtant. I also wanna do QT 7/7 :P)

So yeah. I'm beginning to realise, its not how much interaction there is between you and God during QT, its how much interaction there is between you and God outside of it. And that's where I'm lacking.

Don't just strive to do QT everyday, strive to have God in your thoughts and minds always. And It seems hardest for me to love my God with my mind. And I hope and hunger for that.

Byebye!

I'm Back

2011-09-29T21:05:00.003+08:00

I'm actually really scared for o levels.I've gotten to a point where i most certainly believe that anything can happen. I'm at a point where I'm tired, stressed, absolutely uncertain.

Anything can happen now and I will be honest. I'm not sprinting all out like my classmates are. I feel completely inadequate compared to them all.

Recently, I realised my fears and unhappiness and that drivedrivedrive feeling were all due to the fact that it was all about what I wanted. Well not anymore.

I gave it to God la. Wherever i go. It's ok. I'll be fine. Because my God will help me.

And He knows my needs before i ask. Its just we sometimes ask to assure ourselves. And ti request. Its gonna be alright. I'm tired already. heh. Been gaining weight. need.. to.. eat... less...

You and i

2011-09-18T22:17:00.003+08:00

I'm nervous I'm distracted, affected, jealous

unsure of where I'm going

You're all-knowing, wonderful, powerful answers my prayers

Your handiwork is everywhere

You're faithful when I'm faithless

Disappointed.

You don't give up me when i try.

I'm Your child, unsure.

Morals and principles,undeveloped.

Questionning. Isecure. Unperfect.

You're my other half.

Guiding, teaching, helping.

My help in times of distress.

I'm following others, convictions,

Feelings, thoughts, emotions.

Ungrounded in certain decisions.

You know.

And when i don't,

You take me

I'm small.

I'm short.

156cm, 50kg, tiny.

Pimples, black hair, big boobs

Fair skin, tummy.

You're beautiful beyond description.

You made me what i am

And You made the flowers beautiful too.

What can compare?

I get angry at people who don't say sorry

You'd die for me before anyone else knew I would exist

Indiscriminate

You love cockroaches.

You're amaing,

You're special,

You're mine.

37 days to my first paper

2011-09-17T21:56:00.002+08:00

So yup.

i've been discouraged, angry, upset, happy. I donno. All those things in between our wonderful KL trip til now. There are times i wish i had a phone from which i could blog things again. But thats ok, its fine now.

In terms of spiritual life, I feel that one thing i haven't been doing is stepping back being in awe of God. LIke I see how people are always so... like in awe, writing facebook statuses and verses and things that inspire them. I wonder why I don't. Possibly its not my style, but upon self examination, I felt God to me has been for quite some time now, something really... practical. Very real, very applicable. I tend to drag him down to my level in our conversations about my daily happenings. I don't always stand in awe of him.

I don't see pretty flowers and praise God for them. I praise God for the bus coming the moment i reach the bus stop... these kindsa things. I wonder if thats wrong. But really. It's time to step back and look and God and be appriciative of who He is and what He does.

Another thing that has been on my mind, is girls who are around my age with boyfriends who are like. above 21. I stand by my convictions. Another time on that.

I really need strength from God for this final push. I really wnana turn back after it and like what happened during prelims with 10 points, i wanna be able to really say it was God who gave me something beyond my wildest dreams.

Tired

2011-09-06T22:02:00.001+08:00

I really don't wanna go to KL this weekend.

Because I owe you some pictures and updates.

2011-09-03T00:22:00.001+08:00

From the most recent to the least recent, of things I didn't blog about, through my new Old School Cam.

Shrimps

2011-08-23T20:43:00.003+08:00

Ok yeah. Anyway i was once told that i have the gift of 'pictures' whatever that means, well I'm not too sure anyway. But I think it means I parallel the things I see with christian life.

Yeah la. Whatever.

Anyway.

the other day, i had to change the air in my shrimp tank, which basically means I get to turn their world upside down, slowly of course, (as there are many rocks and grains of sand and a sea plant and leaves that will tumble and toss when turned), unscrew the tank's cap, let in new air for about ten seconds then recap it. hehe.

So yeah. When I did just that, my shrimps were so scared, they were like... very poor thing leh. There were 4 of them, so i also had to moniter them as i turned it, to make sure that none of them would get crushed by any of the objects in the tank, like they did before. Haha. But I had to do it. It was for their good.

Then it kinda paralleled with my own life i thought, I mean, there are instances when suddenly we go through a phase that totally seems like our world is being turned upside down, everything changes and we have no idea where we are all of a sudden.

But the truth is, as I held that tank so close to me, i realised thats how God holds us and our world too. Though there may be times of confusion, turmoil, uncertainty and all kinds of changes, its ok, because He holds us, watches us and loves us. There's no need for fear, because at the end of the day, God does know everything that happens to us. He watches over us.

QT has led me to the book of Daniel. Before getting thrown into a really hot furnace......

16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us[c] from Your Majesty’s hand. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”

Like that's the kind of trust we need to have in God when things suddenly seem so bleak, dire, uncertain, scary and everything we know is being challenged. I like how they didn't bow and remained different. Not only did they physically remain unmoved, but also their faith didn't waver. And that's the truth. I don't want my faith to waver when everything changes, because no matter how crazy it seems, God's got us. YEAH:)

And thats what I learnt. haha, while changing the air in my shrimp tank.

Lately

2011-08-13T21:56:00.003+08:00

So I haven't been blogging.

I'm in the middle of my prelims right now and it hasn't been at scary. there have times that it was very scary for me indeed, but i find myself crying out to god at that time.

I find being scared is often because... well we don't know what we're gonna face, and that feeling of totally sotongness during an exam is horror. So yeah. I pray a lot. When I'm scared. And yeah. I like how it always turns out alright afterwards. God is good to me in that. he's been evry good. And I can say that lately, I've been very thankful to Him for all that I've gone through.

.......................

Anyway so the lastest strange news is that i watched this very interesting video on North Korea lately.

It got me thinking about freewill(which has been a topic of late).

i really began to appreciate the value of freewill and what it means simply because...

Well I've seen what it is for people not to be given a capacity to do so.

i'm still thinking about what thats like. like how... it really isn't fair. I donno.

they treat Kim Jong Ill in a god-like manner. And they seem to know no else. All the they do is love him. Everyone. So yeah.

I'm thinking about what that means if everyone on earth didn't have a choice. Or knew no choice. So yeah. Be very grateful:)

I Know How i Feel About Me Now

2011-07-30T21:07:00.002+08:00

If you know me a little better than just a normal friend, you would know that I have been very sad.

You know I feel pretty burdened in my life right now, if theres one thing i want so much, it would definitely be freedom. The allowance to go out whenever I want. The mother unreasonably disallows.

I cannot take it sometimes.

I feel like sometimes my life is like a journey. Along it we keep getting bags to carry(thinking shopping bags), somtimes we load them off when that period of life fades away. Sometimes we are made to carry new bags and keep going. And sometimes we have too many bags and it gets heavy. And sometimes I think thats how i feel.

I haev a bigbig bag called no freedom.

Paul had a big bag of unfreedom.

And I know all i want rigth now is for god to take that away. Because its been hurting me so much. All i want is to do the things I wanna do and go out when i want to.

And its a bag i don't know why so many friends dont have but i do. And i just want it gone.

I pray so hard, but why must i endure, i don't understand.

But someone encouraged me. that there is still a hope in Christ no matter how heavy everything gets, we will die and go to heaven. And all my imperfect and flawed relationships will be made perfect. We are already perfect in god's eyes. he made us just the way he wanted to(im talking about the inside and features, fatness does not count. I dont believe it is important to God unless it seriously affects us in one way or another).

And rigth now, I'm clinging on to that hope. And I know my God will see every tear i cry. And hear me. And if im a naughty child and have sinned and He doesn't listen, i know He knows what I'm thinking anyway. haha. yeah.

A Night To Remember

2011-07-26T21:43:00.003+08:00

Dress And Hair By Keri

Shoes clutch and Earrings by New Look

Make up by Kara.

...

So finally my prom is over. I am still wondering which pic will make a stunner profile picture for my FB account.

So anyway life has been full of rage yet again.

My productivity level has seriously dropped by 60% because I am so slow an not doing as much work as I'd really like to.

Which is totally bad because my first paper is next Wednesday. i donno why I've been so unproductive K!

I practically didn't do any homework.

And sometimes my QT suffers.

But God has been so good. He really does answer my prayers in the small and the big.

Like when I seriously had 0 accessories the night before. I went down early before the Oriole dinner and God blessed me enough that I got all I needed to look great(in my opnion. Haha)

And I'm learning why we shouldn't covet.

Gosh I owe you guys so much more info about whats been going on, I hope i'll have times with prelims just around the corner!

Pray hard for me.

I need tenacity.

Now that Prom is over, time to eat, hehe.

Baby Pet Shrimp

2011-07-21T21:14:00.002+08:00

HEY GUYS.

Just see this pic of my shrimp.

I now have baby pet shrimp. I must say I'm very happy I bought them. They make me really happy everytime I go to their tank after school and say hi to them. And watch them swim around.

I read somewhere before that watching fishes helps to reduce stress by 60% and I think it may be true. I don't ever have to open the tank, only one a month. So the next time I open it will be on the 17th of August! HEY! The day after my prelims, just to renew the air inside. I'll post a picture soon when I have the time to take a lovely pick of my shrimpies!

Yeah. I've been sad of late and I must thank God that I am really blessed to be able to afford the whole thing(35 painful dollars>.<). But it makes me really happy whenever I look at them. They are so cute.

I know I always wanted a doggie or a kitty at home to hug like a giant read life stuff toy. But though I can't hug my shrimpies, The love part is still there.

Haha so do I sound very weird now? hehe.

I cried because

2011-07-18T11:13:00.001+08:00

I really wanted her dead this morning.

And so because I'd rather have freedom than a relationship with that physco, I cried.

Because it is just that messed up.

I have been...

2011-07-17T22:07:00.002+08:00

A very moody girl who feels very lonely.

Its not just PMS. Because I'm quite sure.

Jia Duo You

2011-07-16T22:15:00.002+08:00

To add more oil.

Today I only put in about 8 hours of work. I told myself I wanted 12...

Sometimes I donno how to deal with people who are crazy:/ God give me graceeeee especially when they are always around. Maybe I'll wiki it later.

I've been on my books but feeling inadequate.

Anyway, I think change is in this season. I need to learn to deal with peer pressure and herd mentality. God keep me rooted in who I am. I'm sick of feeling like I should do something because half the world is doing it.

Its not that I don't embrace my own individuality, its that sometimes I have that feeling of wanting to be like one of the rest. To be with the crowd where its not lonely. Probably not the same as insecurity.

Thats the inside of me. haha

Sorry will tell you some interesting stuff when they come!

Haha.

My First Kiss' Gonna Be Like This...

2011-07-12T21:41:00.002+08:00

Ok well fine!

I couldn't find a picture.

What I wanted to say was, I wanna save my first kiss for my wedding day. I'll only kiss my husband.

So when the pastor says 'blahblahblah... and you may kiss the bride.'..

That'll be MY first kiss.(hopefully my husband's too)

I'm kinda shy to write it here, but its just... I wanna save it. Seriously. imagine having kissed someone else like 15 times who isn't even your husband.

Don't kisses then lose their value? Shouldn't they be super special?

Yeah.

I wanted to write this on my FB wall for a strange reason, but I didn't dare too. Because everytime me and my friends talk about anything remotely related to this issue and this kissing topic comes up, all them never kissed or kissed before will stare at me for like... very long. With very wide openned eyes. And then I'll be 'yeah'ing to try to make it sound as normal as possible.

Then when I have to 'oii' everyone cuz of the silence, they suddenly go,

'Wow oh yeah. That's so sweet'

Which still makes me feel like a weirdo so yeah. I just wanted to tell everybody. Or anybody. I donno why. I was talking to God and I remembered this. So yeah.

Hello.

That's all.

It's The Littlest Things

2011-07-09T23:39:00.003+08:00

You know sometimes, God just does small things in my life which make me so grateful. Like when I run for a bus( yes you may categorize me a one of those unglam students in school Uni) and suddenly the uncle slows down or even waits for you... Or sometimes when I walk to the bus stop and suddenly the bus arrives right on time, really pray and tell God that I'm grateful for these little things that make me happy and make my life easier.

Like how I got both Bs for my Plane Geometry worksheets when Mrs Lim complained that the presentation was really bad. And in case you didn't know, my handwriting i seriously arguably like the ugliest in the entire cohort, I was grateful that all except for one question was wrong.

...

So what's been up lately? I feel like I'm over dresses and the pretty girly look. I've been loving my red and black sneakers and my gold lion ring, my ripped grey tank top. I donno why. I think I've been feeling a bit of inner rage lately. Haha and this may have reflected out on my clothes:(

I find that whenever there's a problem with the way I feel, I bottle it up inside until I can't take i anymore and so it hurts and then I'll try to analyze it and figure the situation out. So much so that its entire explanation and conclusion can fit into a one liner. Or a few one liners that I really feel hit the nail right on the head, its a long/painful/confusing process, but until its done, reoccurring bad feelings surface. They are currently doing so.

I guess maybe that's why I don't feel as happy donning a pretty dress:/

Of Sparklers And Fireworks

2011-07-03T21:19:00.004+08:00

Katy Perry tells me Imma firework.

So what is a firework to me?

Well its a pretty explosion of cations(which is what gives it its unique colour) in the air. Its a pretty explosion. Yup. Catches attention, makes people wow, dies.

So howabout sparklers?

They are basically some pretty scary stick that sparkles. Its fun to hold one and wow at it. It lasts probably 30 times longer than a firework(counting that a firework is 2 seconds and a sparkler is about 1minute long). It has only one colour. The sad thing about sparklers is that after they die, they just look like a charcoal stick.

...

Ok so yeah. Here's some I LEARNED AT THE MISSION TRIP, MY LESSON, YUP PAY ATTENTION NOW.

So... On the last night at House of Joy, when we had the party, for the first time in my life, we got to play with both of those things. It was pretty amazing to hold a firework which was like this giant stick that shoots out fireworks into the sky. Scary at the same time because you wouldn't wanna stand below it when that happens.

Then we took out the sparklers and then

GOD SPOKE TO ME, YO LISTEN UP!!!!!!

So back to sparklers... The thing that caught my attention was that after lighting the first sparkler with the lighter, people would crowd around the person with the lit sparkler and put theirs on the lit sparkler then their unlit sparkler became lit.

Then God spoke to me through that. It was an analogy.

Like how when we have God's love, when we know Him and become his people, we get 'lit', we go on fire for him, we blaze in our hearts with his love. We go out into mission fields and to the places we go to on fire. Its our purpose to light others with that love, that they too may start blazing for God.

We're not fireworks. What are they but one-hit-wonders in the sky? All they do is burn up and die. So yeah.

Let's light one another up before we die, while we still can.

Gasp

2011-06-24T23:03:00.004+08:00

Yay so we went back to House of Joy:))), it was really by God's grace. There's too much to say about the mission trip I just came back from, except[t that I'm just so grateful for everything i went through and there's just so much to say la... aiya. i still remember their names and faces and hopefully when i go there, I'll remember them all. Hopefully I'll go back soon and hopefully my ex team will keep the little village on an island in prayer.

See those 5 girls besides the one in white on the left(yeah I didn't really know her that well, she was a bit younger), I really got to know them pretty good. And I'll remember them because they're the 5 I really got to know so well during the trip. Mui Kim, Sreytom, Liny, Suchin and Narin. From 9 oclock in a clockwise direction. I wrote them letters when i left. And I know I'll go back. I donno when but I kinda know I wanna go back and I'll ask God to show me and let me when I should. And hopefully when i do, I'll see them again.

I other news, that beloved Iphone4 of mine is now lost and it has really made me pretty sad about it. I left it in the toilet and some horrible person didn't return it after finding it. I know you're probably thinking i should have taken better care of it(i think so too), but i must say whoever went into that cubical after me is terrible. I would never take away someone's phone and not return it. It's just... how can you do that? It's just so lack of moral.

Finders sellers?!

Whoever is better be poor and in real need of money. If he's not on the verge of starving or struggling to pay rent, then it just seems pure evil to me. Nonetheless, i have to come to the acceptance that it is gone. And I'll have to move on by getting a new phone. Hopefully one with whatsapp.

.......

Anyway I wanna talk to you about me. HAHA. Or something I felt God was saying to me la. Or something... somethings that went through my head, yes I will openly share my insecurities here because i just don't have the problem of looking you all(mostly guys in the face and then saying it).

Ok, diving straight into it, let me tell you that yesterday, I felt pretty bad about myself. Probably was one of those wandering thought moments and then the devil jumps in and tries to look small. But I'll say it here.

1. I'm a no-boy-girl

So far, no boy wants me. I have no boys after me, and probably never did forever and in a while to come.

2. Almost all the girls my age are boy-girls

Some have waaaayyyy older boyfriends, some have boys chasing after them, some have boys who think they're pretty.

3. My mum thinks I scare away guys:/

This probably doesn't help with the first two points because one can already see that I am different:/. And that's when it all got me thinking if any guy would ever want me.

In case you are wondering why on Earth i sound so stupendously despo, its because I wonder if anyone will ever wanna marry me.

Which also sorta boils down to, will anyone ever want anyone like me.

Nownow... don't laugh or be so quick to label me despo, but i really wondered... yeah man. With my persona and behaviour, it certainly doesn't attract the opposite sex(not that I want to purposely go out and do that la), as a matter of fact. And i began to wonder, gosh, if i don't change, then how ah? Like I'm definitely the odd one out. The unpretty one who does not have herds of guys going after their looks.

(Then again, i had a friend of mine tell me that guys who only go after girls because of their looks will only love them cuz of it and that's not something that you should be loved for, it should be for deep down inside your soul and who you are under it all.)

And then I still getting sad and feeling insecure and confused at why on 'Earth do i care again'.

So i went to talk to God lor...

God showed me an interesting passage.

Marriage at the Resurrection

18 Then the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to him with a question.

19 “Teacher,” they said, “Moses wrote for us that if a man’s brother dies and leaves a wife but no children, the man must marry the widow and raise up offspring for his brother.

20 Now there were seven brothers. The first one married and died without leaving any children.

21 The second one married the widow, but he also died, leaving no child. It was the same with the third.

22 In fact, none of the seven left any children. Last of all, the woman died too.

23 At the resurrection[c] whose wife will she be, since the seven were married to her?”

24 Jesus replied, “Are you not in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God?

25 When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.

26 Now about the dead rising—have you not read in the Book of Moses, in the account of the burning bush, how God said to him, ‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’[d]?

27 He is not the God of the dead, but of the living. You are badly mistaken!”

-Mark 12

If you skipped it, basically the point that I took away was that marriage is eventually an earthly thing, when we die, it doesn't matter. So i don't need to feel sad or fret over it. And that helped me to remember no matter what, i shouldn't feel a need for anyone besides God, which is what He always reminds me off whenever i feel lonely or realise that I don't have very many close friends sometimes. He's gonna take care of me in a way that no one else will. And He's the best friend I'll ever need.

The second thing that gave me great comfort was this line from Keep Holding On(which i saw a figure skating routine to before and I wanna do one too after Os), that goes:

'Whatever's mean to be will work out perfectly...'

And yeah. Well that also reminded me, it doesn't matter if i scare guys away with my Keriness. Whether who I am attracts 10000 guys or 100guys, it doesn't matter because I know that if God meant someone to be Mr Right, he'll be one of them and we'll get married. All we have to ask God to show us when and who and trust that it'll happen if it's meant to. No fret.

So yeah. That's what God showed me. I thought it cool and comforting.

I miss this place

2011-06-03T05:16:00.002+08:00

Hi guys, in the past month, I got back my mid year grades(18) but thank God my semester one grades were less(17pts) and that's actually pretty amazing considering the fact that actually I got 20points for my ca1 so thank God for it:)A2 for chem,b4 for English and everything else was a b3, which can be considered good or bad because I didn't get a c or didn't fail and some of my subjects improved greatly but others clearly deproved(I blame it on completely not attempting the last page of the emath paper 2. But I must thank God for his grace in each and every paper because there were times I really struggled so bad. So yes, He pulled me through and gave me

In other news, mission trip is coming up, but due to a series of events, I may not be able to go so stay tuned. Will be extremely upset if such a scenario were to occur but yes. I really donno. Cuz I was really excited and anticipating it. Paid for it sommore and went for the trainingsXP and meetings and even got jabbed(yes my arm still hurts and there are nice injection pics if you wanna go see up on facebook:)). Gah. Ican only tell God how I feel and leave the rest up to Him.

In also other recent news, Gypsy my cat has passed away. Sad. But I must thank God too. For everything(snifflesniffle)

I had a great 16th birthday party recently. Danced like an idiot and went on stage at the hardrock cafe. Awesome night. Couldn't have asked for more( oh except for a certain polariod instant which could have turne out different and better to my liking:() it's something I will remember for a while. Also Aaron baked me a whole chocolate cake. Haha. Won't forget that either:))) yeah. It was a great time. Universal studios that morning. Awesome. Haha. Gosh it's like so much as happened but insomnia is causing me to blog random things now.

It's currently the holidays and all I've done sl far is study and go for mission trip meetings... The only outings I had was after the exams which needless to say, were extremely fun. Picked spreading recently. I like to spend a whole afternoon at starbucks with a frappacino and a book and then meeting my mum for inner at orchard... Which was to my advantage when there was the happy hour thing a few weeks back.

I donno what else I would have blogged about within this time... But it's good to be back.

Oh and I went forthe acsi open house hopefully it has inspired me to be more tenacious in the way I work. Ask God for grace I guess. Will really need so much of that cuz that's practically how I've been getting through all my terms without completely collapsing and dying. Oh well. It's 535. Better get some sleep. Will be back!!!

2011-05-08T20:52:00.003+08:00

Simona
You're getting older
Your memory's been
Etched on your skin

Simona
Wish I had known that
What seemed so strong
Has been and gone

I would call you up every Saturday night
And we'd both stay up til the morning light
And we sang 'Here we go again'
And though time goes by
I will always be
In a club with you
In 1973
Singing 'here we go again'

Simona
Wish I was sober
So I can see clearly now
The rain has gone

Simona
I guess it's over
My memory plays out to
The same old song

I would call you up every Saturday night
And we'd all stay up til the morning light
And we sang 'here we go again'
And as time goes by
I will always be
In a club with you
In 1973
Singing 'here we go again'

I would call you up every Saturday night
And we'd all stay up til the morning light
An we sang 'here we go again'
And as time goes by
I will always be
In a club with you
In 1973
Singing 'here we go again'

I would call you up every Saturday night
And we'd all stay up til the morning light
And we sang 'here we go again'
And as time goes by
I will always be
In a club with you
In 1973
Singing 'here we go again'

And as time goes by
I will always be
In a club with you
In 1973

I totally feel this song...

Hanging on to the good memories of things which have gone and won't come back and there's a sense of reminiscing. There's a sense of sadness that times that have past aren't coming back because time changes and things change along with it and so do people. And we can't expect it. They come as a surprise because these are the things we completely don't expect. Super downright painful. But I guess we don't expect it cuz we're too dumb to admit to ourselves at the start how unrealistic our expectations and beliefs were. So at the same time it's inevitable because it's just not right. There's no such thing as a perfect story and people break their promises. And we need to know that people aren't perfect. So yeah. The inertia we have in our interpersonal relationships are sometimes really just not enough for la forza del destino. We just need to move on and trust that God knows better and he has better.

And some of the stuff left behind sometimes always stays behind in us. I believe for the rest of our lives but we need to get over it and it won't be that fast. The best of times and things end along with it.

But Farenheit 451 reminded me of the phoenix. The whole bird has to die so it can come out even better. The best and the worse have to go so that something even better can come. And that's God's to choose.

I wanted cry while listening to it, it just pulled too many heartstrings of what I'm going through now.

Gotta give these changes to God.

I sound sooo emo.

But everyone in Oriole made me laugh and play today:)

Thanks guys... If you ever come here and see this:))) love you guys ttm.

Life interrupted

2011-04-19T20:44:00.002+08:00

Hello everyone:)

Ok I am back and I have come to the realization that one can blog using thebiphone which is awesome:)

The Justin bieber concert is tonight and I'm feeling sad because everyone is there and yes, I was sitting down this afternoon trying to study but it was rather epic fail because I was too distracted listenning to one less lonely girl:))))) haha I think honestly many girla also wanna be that one less lonely girl. And I also can honestly say that I do not understand why people hate him. Honestly he's not bad and I believe he has talent so yes... I am actually really sad I didn't get to go for his concert:( yeah. I want to go but I ha no one to go with/those who wanted Togo with me didn't have cash or didn't have good enough grades heh:(

Anyway besides the bieber fever I'm suffering, I'm also very happy because yesterday was great thanks to Claud and Esther and my sister and Rebecca and Maween and my bestie Aaron:)))) who baked me this giganti choclatecake:) really made me happy because no one has ever baked me a birthday cake... Yay!!! Haha.

Ok now for something not so happy, is that my school work has deproved significantly from what it previously was last year... I was sooo sad about it the whole of today...like I donnonwhy my grades can't seem to get any better.. And that's depressing because I used to do better...

2011-04-03T21:38:00.002+08:00

I notice that I either have to choose between blogging or sleep. haha but today I chose blogging because I feel like those Sims characters and the level of a certain type of thing goes down... Haha maybe my outlet/freedom/creativity/speech section has gone down.

Anyway for like almost the entire past week, the one thing i actually wanted to talk about here was about something very erm... life changing I encountered doing QT.

I learnt that for so long, I was actually studying and all that for my own selfish purposes. Ok fine. i didn't learn, i got convicted. Still....

Yeah, that's well. summarizing it. I didn't wanna be top girl in every subject because I wanted to help other people i did it because... well... I just wanna be on top. I just want to own.

But I think that's really what God rather not. And I agree.

I feel that after I discovered this, a hugeeeee loads been lifted.

I mean something that was meant for good, a good brain, was overstressed.

I went to COOS with Becks Esther Maween Aaron to see Patricia King speak(yes I've never heard of her in my life before). And she said something about how the devil wants to take things away from us. Maybe thats what suddenly happened. I probably believed in a lie which made me study so,so hard. It not only robbed me of my emotional peace but my fun too.

(And yeah. I feel so erratic now:/)

Anyway theres this verse in Jeremiah which says something that a tree planted by God doesn't fear and always has confidence in God even when it doesn't bear fruit for a year, it doesn't worry.

It felt like a big duh that I wasn't that tree. But now I am going to be:)

I feel much more like one now anyway...

OK I have something else I wanted to say! Will have to come back:(

Love, Again

2011-03-27T19:52:00.005+08:00

Ok so I always tell myself that there are things i want to come here and post about.

Haha it takes about a few days before I get down here and actually do it. HAHA.

Anyway I donno why I am coming here to tell you about some theories I have on love counting the fact that:

1. I have never been in a relationship

2. Really not considering getting into one so fast

Oh forgive me dear youth from my church if you are old(or some young) and have been in/are in/encountered it, that I may be here to speak about a topic which many suggest I have no right to give opinions on.

Well they say love is a form of madness so go about your merry way and stay deluded on your boat while i get to take a step back and view the whole situation:D

(yup, I can comment)

1.

I have a friend who's boyfriend is much older(I donno when you're my age and someone is in uni I think its considered old, until you are older than 'not young' anymore... It's about age ratio) than her. And i thought about it. Is being in love when you're young really so great?

Well I thought about it and the answer came.

Maybe no.

Because I know she has to grow up fast and by choosing to be with him, she's giving up her time to be like any other ordinary kid, she gives up her time to be an average teenage girl because she's in a serious relationship.

(if you are reading this, hello and no please, don't be pissed)

The other day i was being a happy kid walking back to the car with my dad after Kenny Rogers and munching away on a cornetto he so suddenly decided to buy me when we passed the Esso station. I thought about it... Man it's good to be a kid. It's really good to be a regular kid(I know you think I'm being lame but hey, we're kids). And I can't help but think... regular kids don't have serious relationships. They enjoy being young. And that's what someone young in a serious relationship may miss out. We don't have that responsibility of a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

We have God. Just us and God. Not that having a bf or a gf will ever even get close to the level of the relationship we have with God, but its like. That'll be all we have, we can spend that time being young and free. We don't think about getting married(ok la we do, but we don't have a person who we fit into the picture)

So yeah. We won't miss out on a time in our lives where we don't have someone we love and have a certain liability to. Free. You'd be giving up the chance to be a free kid when you get into a serious relationship young.

And i couldn't help but thank God I'm not in one now. God's really all i need to feel loved.

2.

The thing about love is this, when people first start to get to know one another better(this is true even amongst friends), a lot of 'sparks fly'

[in quotations because me and Aaron ever played a cruel joke on this poor guy who ever said he liked to read my blog and then he went back to study in ang moh land and i'm feeling sorry looking back:/, if you're there, hi.]

You guys will tend to be at your happiest getting to know each other and there's still a slight novelty because 'I have a new friend/gf/doggie/kitty'. I notice we tend to right notes, smile more, do stuff buy stuff and show it a lot more.

I think this establishes a love relationship. That you love the person and the person loves you back. And that's why it normally happens at the start of any relationship, its an indication to the other party that you love them. And you wanna show how much.

I think suddenly when people have shown... well... 'enough' that it is undeniable that you love him or her, a lot of this showing stops... slows down... declines... plateaus? I feel like I'm describing a graph. The gradient get's less steep. Meaning you still do love the perosn, you just show it less.

That's why married people don't normally do the sweet things they did when they were couples. It's already a known fact that they are loved.

However my theory is that people need to be constantly reminded.

I'm not saying this because my dad forgot that i had tuition and needed to be fetched last friday and he blamed it on me because he said he needed a reminder even though I've never given one and he always fetched me anyway.

I'm saying we need to be reminded of how much we love each other because things in life(unlike my friday tuition classes) are subject to change. Our feelings are subject to change. People are subject to change. And I honestly think that love is such that, we need to remind each other that things have not changed.

And Then i thought about God, God doesn't need a reminder to know whether or not we love Him, He can see for Himself. But aren't reminders just... Nice:D I wonder when there was a last time I did something nice and said 'this is for you God! Because i know You'd like me going that extra 10m to throw the rubbish on the floor'

Because i know in my life, god does a lot of 'random' things to show His love for me. Like how lately the longest I've waited for my single bus to arrive was 5mins. Hmmmm yeah. I've been thanking God for it:) haha.

...

NOW IF YOU SKIMMED THROW THIS WORDY POST, SHAME ON YOU!!! GO BACK AND READ SLOWLY, I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY INTERESTING DONT YOU???

I need to relax

2011-03-23T21:07:00.003+08:00

Ok yay I finally have found the time to blog:) haha. Been like 2 weeks since I was here and i miss being back cuz blogging is like seriously destressing and its great to let your thoughts out.

NY was fun. And so is school. But yeah I think that this time around, I feel not as worked up or tensed up as i did before. A lot of the stress has gone after talking to God about it. I don't feel like i far exams anymore. At the end of the day, its scoring in heaven and our relationship with God is still the most important because grades are just grades.

'Do not fear them, they can do no harm nor can they do any good'

I felt like God has really been revealing things to me over these past few days because sometimes I begin to wonder if grades have become my own idol.

I never ever had a fear of tests the way I did for tem 1 before. So, so scary the way I was so scared, i think thats what the problem was. I did everything in fear of losing out and not being tops(yesyes, i admit it, I really wanna be tops in everything, fine.). But I guess wanting and being afraid to not be are two gigantic different things and that's where the line has to be drawn. And I'm not afraid anymore. I'm not totally stressed out. That's a wonderful feeling:)))

That's I guess the biggest change. I really feel so much less burdened or worried. I can relax. And looking back, I really wasn't that stressed, I think I prayed a lot for peace. And I'm quite sure I got that because I played and studied when i was bored, and I still managed to do pretty well.

So really i guess it's God's grace.

Maybe I'll start taking things a little slower and stop stressing myself out. It's really no fun:( I don't like not being happy. Getting good grades make me happy. But selling away my happiness to risk it really isn't. I work well under happiness:)

Anyway more about NY, it was really my first time eating oysters(still not a big fan or anything that comes in shells and doesn't have a head), taking the subway and so much more. Went to Ellis Island and the Dash store:)))

Will maybe do a picture post soon to show you guys everything. Wheee:)

I've been little jet lagged and had my violin exam. I hope I don't fail, really!

So Little Time So Much To Do

2011-03-06T21:22:00.004+08:00

OksoCTspassedrealfastandI'vestillbeenbusystudyingafterandigottwentypoints

:((((

Here's to great improvement, bucking up, and giving my classmates no more chance. heh. Not like i intended to because some of them like seriously improved a lot so yeah. haha it was a great wonderful Job on their part too I guess:(

In case you're wondering, while all my friends were working harder and improving, i was deproving so I'm seriously not top in anything haha.

Gosh gonna be a shocking report card full of big deprovements:(

But I'm thankful I didn't fail.

Anyway somethings on my mind lately include about how I think JYM has this 'system' that a lot of us aren't aware of and its been getting me so down today wanted to cry(YES PMS ALSO LA BUT PMS DOESN'T REACT ON 0 BASIS OH-KAY) and yesterday when I told my dad about it also. Yeah... I feel like a second class citizen and honestly my friend ever wrote in my Christmas card that if I wanted to change something, i should be the change, but honestly the way things are, is such that I can't change it. I really can't be the change.

Feeling like I'm being an idiotic rebel? Well think again, at least I'm thinking about it. But I can't say it here least chairman kicks me out:((( haha he won't la, jk. But yeah. It's just bugging me. Bugbugbug. I wonder if I should let anyone 'in power' know.

Yeah. New York On Thursday night. I am really gonna be sad to miss the many fun things going on but yeah, there's so much to experience in the big apple and I'm excited really:) Hopefully there'll be enough space in my suitcase now that I have to pack my skii jacket and pants^^

I'm gonna miss being in SG though:/ the fun stuff going on really makes me wanna stay and plus I won't be able to study there and all that. Considering bringing my violin to NY because my violin exam is the day after i arrive home:/

Tomorrow's my Physics SPA but I'm totally not revising any sources of error or anything now, I don't know why:/ Oh well.(Ok la i know, its cause I think I kinda know everything now... and I wonder if i should be kiasu) I really pray God will be gracious tomorrow after I seriously flunked out my first SPA.

Gotta start revising for like Mid years already.

Sigh. I also haven't been running. Explains my sudden slight gain in weight(or yes, it could be PMs symptoms as well). So yeah la. NYNY.

I'm really gonna miss being in SG.

Amusing

2011-02-28T22:08:00.005+08:00

This just in:

XXXXXX XXXX February 28 at 9:35pm

Heyyy, sorry for deleting you, but don't take it personally, it's just your sister is crazy! :P
Like seriously i don't know what i did but, bleh, anyway i just didn't wanna continue arguing with her :/
Yeap so why i'm sending this message is i wanna invite you to a chalet during the march holidays , yea i know its pretty mad but hear me out, not trying to hit on you or get together with you again, but you are on of the few things i can't get over, as in i really wanna be on good terms with you and be friends. (Not the lovey dovey way, haha)

Yea but really, consider it! Cause i mean really, i would love to be on good terms because i still look back and wonder why i was dumb :/
But yea, that was a long time ago and seriously, i've changed, for starters i'm no longer fat :P
........

HAHA I HOPE HE DOESNT SEE THIS, PROMISE ME NOT TO TRY STALKING. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

P6 til now, not bad, not bad, i am flattered. HAHA.

Mon Prere Et Moi

2011-02-26T23:27:00.004+08:00

Today my dad brought me out to United Square/Novena Square/His Office.

We went to Texas Chicken and then Sogurt after that:) made me real happy.

I felt kinda nostalgic because we used to live near the Novena area before I became a teenager. Haha. Yups that's were I grew up.

Anyway i remember that we used to go up to my dad's office on some really high level and he had a whiteboard in his office, we always used to draw pictures there and all. They all got erased along with the dates like 2004 and what not. I guess I just feel like sometimes life's like a whiteboard. We make our mark, its always there and we never really thought about it and when the time comes, we need to erase away the things which we once had. We never knew it was so temporal until it all had to go.

Such are the passing phases of life.

Sigh I just remember the days when my tiger mother would help mark my work, set me work to do and monitor everything so I'd always be top in the class. I'd go to my grandma's house everyday after school and my dad would fetch me home along with a ta paued dinner.

I'm a big girl now. I take the bus home, I take the MRT, i am in charge of my study time.

Next time I'll be an even bigger girl and yeah. When mummy and sis come back, there won't be so much freedom and my weekends with daddy around town will be no more.

See things change too fast.

Anyway I gotta keep working hard. Can't wait to start going out with friends.

5 down, 2 more to go:)

2011-02-25T22:50:00.001+08:00

Almost there!!! Tuesday will be the start of my playdays!

Can't wait really.

I must really thank God because for everything besides Amath, it went prettay well:)

Jia you Jia you.

A lot of things to do this weekend:/

5 Days After Valentine's Day

2011-02-19T22:46:00.003+08:00

Hello World, KJ's back and honestly a lot less stressed:)

I must say I owe it to a lot of people who talked to me and smsed me and IMed me but,

Thanks a lot Satthy cuz your text was actually practical:)

Anyway not to say I'm not studying, its just I am studying hard now, its just I'm not sucha kanchong spider about it all. And Yeah, I trust God in come what may. Because worrying really isn't an action, nothing happens, its a state of mind.

I feel much better now And yeah, of course I can't be a sitting duck and wait for CTs to drown me, so just like my 11km+/hr 11min run, I gotta keep going. And Whatever it is, I just pray that I won't be too scared. I've seen so much of God's grace(like how I thought i was gonna get c5 for English but narrowly got into a b4 for my CA grade cuz I found some error in the markings, heh) and how He's done so much for me in the past. God may take it away, but He's still faithful.

I think maybe I've come to accept that I am no longer top in 3 subjects in class, that My L1 R5 is gonna be much higher than it used to be and that My parents are gonna keel me, but I think it's not the end of the world. And God's with me throughout, so it ain't over til my progress report comes out(haha then most likely it will be), but there's hope because God's with me, he knows whats next and He won't run away.

I haven't been blogging, sorry.

2011-02-16T11:51:00.004+08:00

What i certainly have been is extremely stressed out. You know i haven't slept even 8 hours for one night the past two weeks. the longest i clocked in as 7.5 and on week nights i don't even hit 6 hours. I tend to wake up at four, think about Cts and get so stressed i can't fall back asleep.

So yes, that's how I've been, failed english, got c5 for physics and seriously im not even top in class for anything but one subject now. Hard. Hurts.

God please help me.

My L1R5 may very well just be a sucky 20. Or probably the highest I've ever gotten, which is like... above 17. Gosh. I'm just so tired and stressed and sad.

I honestly feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I try to study but sometimes i wonder if its in vain. God pleaseplease help me. I donno when I'm gonna burn out.

I Haven't been Happy

2011-02-04T22:45:00.002+08:00

Ok fair enough to say, there have been ups and downs like how i actually failed my English common test(4/25 for compre wah piang never in my life) and I did badly for physics class test, (c6 after never getting less than an A), not getting into SYF, (oh all my sec school CCA life) and failing Amath pop quizzes and getting one of the lowest in class for some simple emath test, I have been feeling down. About school life.

But I know my friends at school and classmates are a blessing because yeah. I think we've been getting along good together and that's really God's blessing.

I really like CNY and spending time with my family. Except for the fact that sis is now gone along with mother to the Big Apple(have fun out there, KARA!!!), and the mother's side of the family is doing a day road trip to Malacca which i am Jealous about because my daddy says no, I think things are ok, been gaining 100g everyday since like Monday.

SO much change in the air, i have to even learn how to do laundry. Seriously. Needa start studying. Heh.

Ok i love you guys.

I think one lesson i think i've learnt is that i am 'The Lord's'. So yeah. Remember that.

My New Favourite Verse

2011-01-31T21:04:00.008+08:00

'He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.'

-Isaiah 40:11

It's been a really trying week and this verse has been a great comfort for me in these trying times. I really think this is the verse that has said all that I really need to hear. And it's been a trying week(and today), I really just had to share it.

My Current Inspiration:

2011-01-20T21:51:00.004+08:00

Sometimes my favourite fashion bloggers do something that is totally amazing. I love this so much. Go check out the small list of fashion bloggers I follow on my Blog roll.

Anyway back to the point, I kinda feel so lousy practising for an SYF I may not get into. Really am I just wasting my time only to get left out of everything on my graduating year? Oh well...

Sorry

2011-01-19T20:41:00.002+08:00

I haven't been blogging:)

I've been tired already. I remember after i stepped out of the shower and was going to change and get to work, I was thinking crazy scary mean stuff like 'Study... kill everyone, reach for the stars and push them all the meanwhile...'

Ok la not so lame but yeah. Very motivated to come out as top girl. Now here I am, after spending close to more than half an hour writing like... 2 paragraphs for my graded SS assignment while watching TV telling you i don't wanna study. I should really learn how to turn off the TV lol.

My Trigo is suffering tremendously and I am afraid to go tell my tutor this friday night that

'I cannot do. I just cannot do. I do and do and do until I really donno how.'

I'm actually most afraid that she'll murder me more than anything. Haha.

Anyway on another side note that's been in the back of my mind, you know I'm turning 16 this year, and I don't really know how i wanna celebrate my birthday. I really donno what i wanna do. I wanted beach(someone is born before me...), I wanted night safari or zoo(someone else is also born before me...) so yeah. I really need to think of what i want. I thought about BBQ but... well my friends may just end up getting fed to mossies downstairs more than anything.

yeah. I think my physc's really messed up now.

Like I'm so darn competitive.

Oh and for teh dumb people who seem to believe that 'good grades don't necessarily entail a good job in the future', I honestly beg to differ because although they don't necessitate a good job, the do push your starting point up so you wouldn't have to climb so hard. Stop trying to comfort yourself.

Haha I sound so mean.

I think this all started when I didn't get into triple science in sec3. The FIRST TIME in my life a door slammed shut in my face.

I wanna do everything I can do, max out my life experience and make it the best it can be, and though I may not get everything i want in life, i can make the best of it.

Aiya. I know God's proud of me that I stopped trying to take joy when other people fail, but I feel ok being hard pressed sometimes, because I find that its my motivation that I know that through this God can use me, so yeah. I will really do my best.

But Now I'm faced with the problem of 'finding the fun along the way'. I'm slightly scared that if I have fun, the top scores will be thanking me for the moderation. Heh.

I seem so nuts. Haha.

Oh well, goodnight world, This is the first time I get to use the comp to surf and stuff after like a week. Heh.

Competitive.

2011-01-13T18:08:00.002+08:00

Ok so today... in a surge of strange period hormones(no, I did not rape anyone)...

I stared feeling like darn competitive, like very competitive. Like deep inside... you wanna do so well and beat everyone.

This is somewhat different from how I felt last year when i kinda wanted to do better than everyone and was feeling good when they did worse than me. See this year, one of my new year resolutions was... To serve God. And one way of doing that, was to serve others. In other words.... I'd try my best to help my classmates with anything academic related or try to help them do better or whatever. A lot of random things fall into such a category.

Anyway, point is: I honestly want to see my classmates do better than they did last year.

BUT,

I wanna do better than them all...

Like really. No chance. They may do better but if they do, i still wanna be the best.

A bit hardcore.

Yeah so anyway after feeling very... fierce, I thought about it and talked to God about my new found, strange motivation?

What I realised is, there's nothing wrong with wanting to do well and do your best, because you are a steward of the abilities God has given to you.

So If You Don't Study And Do Badly, You Are Wasting God's GIft. Got It? That's Why I Thnk We Should Study As Christians And Put In Our All. Not Slack And Do Badly And Slack Again And Do Badly.

Ok So back to the point.

I thought about it and realised that although we shouldn't neglect and not use our smarts, we also shouldn't have the intent to do well for the sake of murdering everyone in terms of grades. Or for the glory that 'I Am The Best In DaDaDa' should others look at you and praise you and highly regard you in such areas.

What I think should be the case, is to give back to God what He deserves. The glory that you got from doing well. Because... well... didn't your brain come from Him?

And that should be the motivation for doing well.

To use whatever God gave you to the best that you can. And remember that parable of the talents thingy where the person when to bury the coin and the other two made profit or sth like that?

Yeah. I think God above all else knows where he wants to put you with the grades you get out of the talent He gave you which is precisely why you should use it. Yup.

So yeah. I really don't want to be happy at the fact that anyone helped my moderation because they did worse than me. I just want everyone to get better. Really. And I'm kinda prepared to help them even though my math seriously needs helping in class from a very helpful Laura:) butbut! I can still help in other stuff. So yeah.

Ok bye world, back to studying now. I wanna do the besssstttttttt.

(I also wanna go on stage, which means getting A1s for all my subjects for Os)

Yay. I'm so glad I got to study today. toodles!

Fish & Co.

2011-01-08T22:02:00.003+08:00

I think one of my favourite things to eat is definitely fish and Co's fish & chips. The Best in town. Haha.

Anyway I guess one of the most happy things that happened this week is that my dad brought me there to eat it just now, YAY.

Tomorrow I'm ponning JYM(And sounding pretty proud of it and later gonna kenna ask questions about why) and then going for 9am service with daddy then Pizza hut:) craving pasta. hehe. YEsyes, at this rate, I'm never gonna hit below 50kg. I was 100g away from 50> this morning. Haha. Then that's kinda far now cuz I had a whole fish and chips. hehe. I haven't been below 50 for 2 plus years now. Haha. But I'm pretty near:)

So yeah. For the rest of the week, it was spent.... doing homework, taking naps, doing a terrible geog test and probably right now.. risking remedial which i certainly hope i don't have to go for.

I think I had a lot of fears at the start of this year, but I'm feeling better now. Yups, because all things come from God. And i know He gave me peace. So yeah. I know its ok because of Him.

So here's to a really good second week ahead, I foresee funny things to happen in class. Oh and maybe a bit of stress. I haven't studied properly so far. Aiya.

So yeah. Must remember God this week. Yay.

Ok. Byebye.

Gonna eat more food and get fat tomorrow. I gained 700 grams from the ONE meal I had all day.

Tomorrow night got aunt's popiah party + pizzahut brunch!!!

Gonna be even further away from below 50. Sigh. HAHA.

Ok Bye World.

Remember to thank God.

In 2010 I have:

2010-12-31T22:33:00.037+08:00

1. Gone to a really fun class

2. Made tonsa new friends

3. Became more responsible(this was my new year resolution last year!)

4. Visited new places

5. Lost a lil weight(YEAH!)

6. Improved in my studies:D

7. Failed a violin exam.

8. Made it halfway to 30.

9. Learnt to appreciate alcohol.

10. Made a new best friend.

11. Gone swimming in my pool for the first time.

12. Joined a new cell group.

13. Worked and had my first pay.

14. Went for my first ever Halloween party.

15. Visited Haji Lane

16. Finally went skating again.

17. Visited Pulau Ubin

18. Made friends from Penang

19. Wore Leopard print jeans to school.

20. Ate a piece of the world's largest chocolate bar.

21. Got to see God moving

22. Met my first female cousins

23. Watched a Kitten become a cat

24. Actually RAN a cross country(in both senses of the word)

25. Played at the Marina Barage

26. Went for my first adventure camp.

27. Went to Esther's House.

28. Grew with God.

29. Gave things up for Him.

30. Had 'adventures'.(relatively dangerous/naughty things)

31. Got upskirted by/accidentally upskirted my friends

32. Went for 2 camps with sermons(JYM camp and Church camp 2010)

33. Lost one of my favourite scarves:(

34. Saw some of the most amazing sights.

...

Thanks for being part of my 2010:D

Cheers to this year!

Because right now, it doesnt feel like it's started since i havent gone to school yet. hehe.

Anyway I have an an analogy for what non christians want. Hehe. Odd huh?

Anyway yeah. It's like people who spend their lives trying to quench their thirst in life. And they try substitutes like chemical drinks like coke and sprite and juice and fanta but what they really spend their lives needing is water. And of course there are other things claiming to be their thrist quenches like H-two-o and what not. But they don't ever get the feeling of being content in life. Cuz they never get it right

Yeah. Ok fine, not that well painted out, but you kinda get it right?

Haha yeah. Anyway I am nervous to say the least for school..... eeee.... so scared. Im just scared I can't catch up with the syllabus.

Hello, you.

2010-12-27T21:54:00.005+08:00

It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money,
but boy if i did I'd buy a big house,
where we both could live

So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do
see i've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
anyway the thing is what i really mean
yours are the sweetest eyes i've ever seen

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a girl who makes potions in a travelling show
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

Work In Progress

2010-12-22T22:45:00.001+08:00

My Christmas cards are just like my homework...

Have yet to be done.

Byebye

I CANT FIND MY CAMERA

2010-12-18T22:38:00.004+08:00

Ok before i bore the wits out of you, i just want you to kow that i cant find my camera and therefore cannot upload any pics ok... yeah quite sad.

Ok anyway, i still think about Turkey sometimes and how fun it was because all the cats there were so friendly and i like them very much and food was so fun. The people there were also quite funny and outgoing and that made the trip very light0hearted as well. I think its been a long while that my family just had a trip together that's not about skiing but rather sightseeing/eating. Oh and most definitely im glad we didn't have another few day shopping trip(although we did get to shop in Turkey)

Haha yeah. i find that nowadays, i don't really have much that i really wanna buy. I'm not even sure what i wanna buy anymore because I've got more than enough of everything and practically everything that i actually want already. Yay. Haha.

...

Ok church camp... i think church camp was really... like a time where i could leave the rest of my life behind and come and look for God. And as it is said, when we do look for god with all our heart, we will find him. And I think me and my friends did actually find God. Which was good thing and i think there's been new direction given and i feel God does want me to make some changes. heh. i think the hardest part about camp is... living everything up after camp.

So yeah. I'm kinda... scared.

Like about everything you've learnt. That's why i think it's very important not to forget what you've learnt or experienced.

Anyway I have a confession... I LIKE SLEEPING IN TENTS(dry), seriously actually its very cosy and comfortable... much more than hard ground so yeah. Never imagined choosing tents over the hall. that's provided it is dry. If its wet. Ew. Mega ew. So disgusting. haha. Oh did i mention waking up to the sight of Ivan literally falling out of his tent was also very amusing?

Oh and surprising sis with Esther and Ben was really fun. And Getting caked and caking Ben was fun too! I'll never forget Ben rushing out to grab sis and Esther and fighting with cake. And seeing cake in Esther and Ben's hair was real funny.

I like how we stayed up til like 4am to surprise sis and kept hushing Haresh cuz we were afraid Joanne would come and chase us out of the dinning area and scold us all. Epic funny. I really enjoyed myself this camp.

You know, i also had like the best Angel ever, Caleb Chua! haha. He kept parodying a girl lor. So everything i got a letter I kept laughing and showing Esther what rubbish he wrote. but he's a very nice Angel cuz he gave me kinder, maltersers, wangwang, marshmallows and flower seeds. he wrote a lot also which was nice.

I think one of the best parts about camp was that i made new friends and talked to old ones as well as got back some which I may have lost in the course of this year:). I've said it before and I will say it again, i'm grateful for them cuz they're really gifts from God.

So yeah. Those were definitely bigbig highlights about it all.

Ok then. Will get pics when i can get pics. Like not sis', my own! Byebye:)

...

I'm cutting down my Ashria poles
I'm burning them for you
I'm finding it so hard because I them so much
But I don't want to love them more than You.

Yes I've been convicted
But i rationalise and try
To somehow find a loophole
And feel blameless deep inside

I can't serve both two masters
I know I'll love one more
But Jesus I just want to love You
The way I did before

Givce me strength to tear them down
And throw them all away
Its gonna be so painful
Its gonna hurt me for many days.

But the days in heaven are forever
they'll last til beyond I die
I'm gonna wanna give it up
For You alone I'd try

Once I leave this camp,
that's the hardest part.
When it all comes down to action
That's all when it starts

Please show me what to do
Give me strength to just say no
Teach me to learn to take all those tears
And move and just go

You won't give me something i can't do
So i know it's possible
You're gonna be with me
And it might be anything but simple

So this is teh next step.
Time to break down this wall.
I know know you are on my side.
So please just make it fall.

Beware: Honest opinions.

2010-12-13T21:44:00.003+08:00

I can't believe i lost all the weight i gained in turkey:))) will upload all my pics once sis has done so. hehe.

I'm kinda feeling very tired when i think about camp. Its like seriously 5 days long. And yeah. gonna miss going home.

I'm not really looking forward to sleep in the tents when its gonna rain. i DON'T CARE IF PASTOR SAYS I CANT SLEEPS INDOOR IF IT RAINS. THATS RIGHT. I'll either go home or demand i sleep somewhere indoors. I sound like an epic brat. But seriously use your brain. You wanna risk mud in your clothes? Crazy.

If it doesn't rain, its gonna be quite fun. Oh wait. It just rained and they kinda like fumigated. So kinda like... i think theres gonna be lotsa insects there and i am so not excited.

I donno how I'm gonna charge my phone, but by hook or by crook, imma try getting an extension cable so that for one plug somewhere, we'll add another 3 charging ports. hehe. Yeah:(

I kinda loved turkey. And yeah. I am an idiot because i kinda forgot to bring my charger for my cam so i have limited pics:(. Lotsa cute kitties there. Will show you guys on FB in a while. Oh well.

Goodnight!

Talk to you when I'm back from church camp on Saturday.

I'm considering bringing my violin so i can practise somewhere quiet and 6am although everyone will also probably wake up regardless. Oh well. I really need to start practising super duper hard.

Yeah. Excited for camp:)

...

On a random note...

(Absolutely not a personal attack on anyone.)

But someone tell me the difference between DG and a lecture. Nobody shares anything personal anymore:( I feel like im eating vomit thats already been eaten and vomited again... i feel I've been on autopilot for so long. Seriously. Maybe that's why i feel some churches and youth groups and things like this aren't bonded. Because we don't get bonded constantly hearing other people's experiences and lessons. We bond hearing each other out and responding to that as brothers and sisters who are there to support. Urgh. Gonna start using my own discretion in terms of what to miss and what to attend.

Ok byebye world. scully get claudia come text me.

Oh have I? Really?

2010-12-07T02:30:00.003+08:00

I realised we need to often check with ourselves if we're growing spiritually... ah... sometimes i wonder if im feeling a little dry bones lately.

I havent took the time to go do something i need to do because i seriously feel like im actually lacking something spiritually. Can't pinpoint it. And honestly, im not waiting on JYM camp to come and have some strange sermon and then play some dumb music to create some strange atmosphere that brings people to the front and get prayed for and cry. Please. GENUINE.

Seriously.

I think I'd rather hear the answer from where I'm standing, make it between me and God and just heck the smart creation of a very... needing atmosphere.

Yeah. always wondered why they got the keyboardist(need serious english lessons after speaking so much simplified english to the Turks) to come up and play some contemplative tune. It's just a way to change the mood and increase the number of people going 'yeah... yeah... yeah'

More often than nopt, music does affect our mood.

But I dont want the music to affect our mood.

God should affect my thoughts and my soul and i'll make up my mind from there.

Seriously.

As I get older, i think altar calls should be left silent.

Like in DYC last year.

Unfortunately, i always think more than 2ce before going up for anymore altar calls after that.

...BTTP...

Yeah. Why oh why do i feel so dry.

Heh. Maybe cuz I'm in Turkey and all i wanna do is actually get back ASAP to start practising the Shosty with the new fingerings I've got and take a literal huge gamble and waste my time when the chances are that i wouldnt be able to audition and get into the SYF for next year.

I feel so alone going back to practise like siao my shosty that people have practised for like MONTHS correctly(eh sorry lor, i never got the right fingerigs, not that i didnt practoise got practise, but with wrong fingerings cuz i never got the right ones lol), i ahve 2 weeks to perfect and go into the audition room and play.

Seriously i don't even have anyone to help practise with me. I'm like a big loser now.

Maybe I should just heck it. Change CCA.

I can't stand another rejection:(

Yeah. I'm down and out and beat and somehow... i wonder if i can actually take tiume ff and enjopy this holiday thoroughly without having all this plus school work beconning me to come attend to it.

Yeah. Just stressed and down and out and lonely and its the holidays but i just don't feel happy.

i want to go back. and go see my friends, and do my school work and practise like a crazy animal my violin and yeah...

Most of all, i wanna go out and do my school work and play my violin and get the shosty right and have fun in Turkey.

Its been an amazing trip but i wont lie that im stressed out and terribly sad.

Only God's with me in all this.

Really.

But I'm lacking in faith on His grace helping me get into the SYF even if i try so hard. Why. So sad, i guess the chances are just looking impossible.

I need to trust in Him more and decide to just do my best... but i need to go get all the time first. Theres no time.

I wish my relationship with God would be on fire.

(yes im muddled and sleepy)

byebye. will be back from turkey soon with lotsa adventures!

HELLO SORRY, NO PICS AGAIN

2010-12-02T19:30:00.003+08:00

But I ahve nicenice pics comng and they are worth the wait:D

haha anyway, I think I just remembered something. I was sitting here in front of teh comp, less than 8 hours til I fly away, and i just remembered that the only reason I got to go on this trip was because of God:)

Because originally, we planned to go to Venice. I'm so glad God did it cuz my dad suggested Turkey:D

Yeah. I'm like sooo grateful.
So yes to:

Kebabs and Turkish ice cream

Say no to:

Gaining weightD:

I owe you guys a proper blog post. Sorry, during hols, i just don't really wanna use the comp anymore!

And back to my point, I'm really happy we moved/ changed the trip because now we can go for church camp:D I really wanna hear whatever because I'm feeling so open.

Say yes to:

Speakers and God's word

Say no to:

DIRTY GAMES AND BEING ICKY XP

Going to the land where God worked in(yeah He's still in control but... you know). I'm so excited:)))

Gonna take lotsa pics and learn lotsa stuff and be super alert to make sure I don't get robbed or anything:P

Okies. Will be on the plane in a matter of hours in my Ugg boots and PJS!!!

Byeeee.

Back to life.

2010-11-30T12:09:00.002+08:00

Okies, so work has ended... and the spending has begun=(

Anyway I think during DG, Joanne made me think about something. Is talking to someone out of an established love relationship or does it actually build it?

I think everyone in my DG seems to think that talking and listening to God comes out of an established loved relationship. But I seriously beg to differ.

Think of it this way. How dyu get to know someone?

Spend time with them right?

What happens when you go out with your friend and eat cake at Starbucks and go shopping?

You talk right?

If you go around doing things with that person with a tape over your mouth, you won't know anything more about that person other than what he/she does right?

Likewise, I feel that communication is still essential in what you do for God.

He deserves you. Your time to tell him everything and your ears to listen to what He says.

He deserves you.

Doing things for God isn't enough. Plainly obeying Him isn't enough. MUST TALK. I don't think you will get to KNOW God if you don't. Absolutely disagree. He deserves your time. And by that, i mean your time to talk(obviously still must obey and serve His people la, but i still think sharing with Him is one of the biggest ways you can get to know your God, on a level of intimacy that is different that just plain chatting with any one of your friends).

So yeah. Just thought.

Blogging from Work!

2010-11-25T10:27:00.002+08:00

Haha ok fine, i guess I eally shouldn't be. but yeah, we can... cuz... I think we sometimes honestly have too much free time on our hands.

Anyway today's the second last day of work=( pity oh well, time flies by when you're having so much fun.

I like how we can use our phones and msn and fb and the radio while we work. And how we don't have to wear office clothes. And how we can also use the company's electricity(haha fine, I donno this but i still do use it:X)

Sigh. Will post pics soon. Stay tuneddd...

Eeee.... So Sveet

2010-11-19T13:51:00.003+08:00

Haha you know, yesterday i was at the Rubi at Suntec City wanting to buy my pair of Red Mary Jane Wedges.

(I already had bought black pair a week or so earlier and when i bought them, I couldn't decide between black or red so I went with black cuz it was the safer option to wear to work. The black and the red were both half price at $20!)

So Yesterday I went back and found that the red pair had dropped by another 50% to $10!!! I was so elated until i found out that the black pair dropped by 25% to $15 and that meant I wasted $5. Sigh. i hate it when Rubi decides to cut the price... then cut it even more... it's like shares you know. Donno when to finally buy. HAHA.

Anyway while i was still being so frustrated at wasting money, I saw something veryvery cute.

There was this other elderly ang moh couple walking hand in hand in the store...

So at first i was like 'Huh, so weird, this is like a young person's kinda store...'

Then It Just Got Better.

The old man and his wife(presumably) walked around and the old lady picked a pair of shoes(don't worry, it was like the conservative kind, not high heels, sth like loafer flats without the leather string thingy around the shoe). So the old man was helping her bend down to pick up the shoe that she had pointed out.

Then when it was time to try them on, he helped her to get onto one of those low stools at Rubi(she was struggling to sit down, then he'd like... hold her hand, help her down, wait for her to try them on, get her a another size etc etc.)

Then finally when it fit, he stood up(he was bending down and waiting on her to finish trying them on) and said 'Alright, that fits.'

And he picked up the pair of shoes and brought it to the counter and pulled out HIS wallet and told the really surprised sales girl 'Yup, just that pair please. :)'(in ang moh accent of course)

Yeah. So touching. HAHA.

And all the more touching is because he's like... 70+??? Still going shopping for and buying stuff for his wife after the like... 45+ years???(people got married before 25 last time lor...) years they've been married.

Haha, yes, made my day seeing them, really. I hope that there are guys out there who really treat their girlfriends the same way they will treat their wives. Haha. AWWWWWWWWW.......

I. Love. Work.

2010-11-16T21:28:00.002+08:00

Honestly, honestly, I never thought I'd be doing this kind of stuff for WA. REALLY.

doing research the writing about interesting places like the Nazca Lines, Kampong Glam and Little India?!

(eh really lor, its quite fun because we can write about like... the place of our choice and LEARN about the world whilst ok. Its not some meaningless desk job)

The biggest lie was that part of our job description was like data entry or sth liddat. WHAT RUBBISH. SO FUN VS. BORING.

I'm so glad they lied lol.

I'm gonna bring my camera to work one of these days and take pics.

Sommore I work with the super duper cute and nice employer. And I say EMPLOYER, not BOSS, because she's very nice(although we will guaiguai listen to her in whatever she says).

And who's 'we'? Me and Su Xuan! My college! i think we can say we're having fun. Coming to work at 10am and leaving at 4pm and taking the longest most fun bus rides home because someone's been fetching me home everyday;)

Ok yeah, anyway sth very interesting that happened was that me and Hilarie went for some Swiss farewell dinner thing at the Swiss club:

1. Hil went crazy over he hot french/german/swiss guy students.

2. Saw a house lizard longer than Hils head and super fat btw(REAL, NOT GARDEN, HOUSE).

3. I got to eat and drink darn good swiss food + wine. HEH.

4. Me and Hil walked successfully in our 5inch/3 inch heels respectively up and down the carpark hill!!! Which btw, is VERY STEEP(yes sorry for the alck of pictures)

5. Got super scared when we were walking down the long steep hill because Hil and her Dad kept scaring me=(

Wheee. So FUN.

So yes, for Thursday and Friday, I would really like to go and find places which are cool enough to lend us a tour guide and then i can do a field trip. Heh. All in the name of learning journeys. HAHA.

I'm actually quite excited. WHEE.

Really this whole stint was a blessing in disguise. I can't say that I'd choose an overseas trip over this experience, but i can say that I'm really happy how things turned out=) Thank God it rocks right now.

Everyone's gone=(

2010-11-12T20:37:00.002+08:00

Ok yeah, all the overseas ROCs 3 girls have left to all their countries today, so it just leaves us Work Attachment girls in SG to start our fates on Monday(did i mention I seriouslyseriously have like not enough work clothes? I don't even have a pair of long black slacks for that matter)

I'm kinda still scared I won't have enough clothes to even go to work. I'm, very sure I have enough tops, but I seriously only have one skirt and 2 dresses. So don't have enough to last me ten days. ARGH.

Ok besides that, I'm glad to say I've been... at least doing some holiday homework although I wish I could start having the diligence to do more. Oh well.

I also wish I would blog at the moments when I thought it was good to blog.

OH yes. I finally went swimming in our pool. With my clothes on and with Esther and Bex and Maw and sis. Haha. You will see more FB pics later and realise how we all didn't intend to(haha it was ESTHER'S fault, she started splashing in the baby pool!). oh well, you're only young once! ;) So yes, risk scolding my security guards and scolding by the neighbourhood for making too much noise. So worth it.

I've also been glad to find the time to do QT... sometimes more than once a day. And that's great. Yay. Now must find the time to start practising violinnn, SERIOUSLY, need to practise before ITS TOO LATE.

So yes. that's life for now. I really wanna buy this pair of shoes from Rubi. It's the bright red maryjane wedges... yeah. Size 37. It's like 20 bucks now. I WANT. MUST FIND BEFORE THEY'RE ALL GONE.

First week of the EOY hols!

2010-11-05T20:56:00.005+08:00

haha well, I've been back in school for four days from 8am to 11.40... and having Macs breakfast before and even after school because well... its such a MG girl thing to do. haha. But I'm glad I have vouchers so it definitely does save me lotsa money in the end and yay=) makes me happy in fact. Haha

I even had my first Halloween party where I went as a leopard cat thingyyy, haha. And as well, it was my first sleep over in say... 2 years? At Marina Bay Sands=) awesome and I'm really happy Jelly invited me for everything, had a big blast there=)

Besides that... there's actually quite a large amount of hw and revision to be done... so its key to start pacing so i can get o enjoy myself all the whilst! haha. Thats all i can think about... going out non-stop! Well... yeah. Thats what i find fun.

Haha

Anyway yeah, its also been a very trying week because I've been receiving bad news as well(I can't attend my String Ensemble Camp because of my Work Attachment dates, so yeah, there goes my last ever camp as an MG girl:[). Its been getting me down, but I'm trying to ask God to keep my head up=). Yeah, but it gets hard because I get jealous of other girls because I have no idea how this whole story spiraled that I got into WA(I didn't even wanna go, it was honestly my last choice in a list of unlisted choices). But I'm keeping hopeful that somehow, i will find happiness working in the middle of nowhere(Science Park Two).

Hope. Doesn't disappoint.

Needless to say, I remember a line from 101 Deeds By Eddie Macdowd, 'you may not get what you want, but you can always make the best of it'.

And yes, determined to do so. But I'm also very scared. I might not be the best person to do the jobbb... EEEEEEEEEEEEE. Pray=) AND IT WILL BE ALL GOOD. I'm just gonna go in and enjoy it.

Ok in other newsssss........

I'm small enough to fit into the biggest size of clothes for girls at the Zara kids section!! So I bought those tights. Haha. Cost me quite little and fit me like a glove!(length wise)

haha, thank God I'm short. I hope to be revisiting the Zara kids section soon. BUTBUTBUT!!! I love how the dresses there are like the correct length and cut and everything. haha. During sales, i will walk into the kids section and hopefully not Any parents will be buying for their older kids there, so i will have a big variety to choose from:)

Haha, yay. Coats, dresses and bottoms that aren't too long, that absolutely fit and cute stuff. And all a widdle bit cheaper wheeeee......... And hopefully by the end of it, a lot more guts!Because all the parents and sales people keep staring at me like I'm some overgrown thing. haha. Really, I feel so weird grabbing the same dress or blouse that a girl who's like 3/4 my height grabs.

See, God even provides for... short people:) Ain't it great fun. haha. It's things like these that make me glad that God made me short. Really. haha. I'm ok with it. And i'm made this way(unlike being fat, because I made myself that way, HAHA), so yeah, must enjoy all things God puts you through=)

Helloo...

2010-10-28T21:41:00.002+08:00

okok,

1)School's out:D

I've been counting down all the days until school officially closes(today) and of course I have to think about how lucky i am to have spent the whole of my 2010 school term in a wonderful class called 3R:D with awesome lawesome teachers Mrs Chow and Mr Lim and boy oh boy am i glad that i didn't change to a bio class!

I know, (oh yes I know!) that God put me in 3R for a reason. And I've made friends and had fun and learnt so,so much along the way. I couldn't possibly imagine doing bio now(as physics is my best and i guess you could say favourite subject) and I have been more than blessed. I'm looking forward to spending my last year in MG in 4R and it will be a new and exciting adventure ahead=D. I am more than blessed. And it didn't seem long ago that i was thrilled to be in an air-conditioned classroom(not to mention that next year, we are again blessed with another air-con classroomXD).

Yes, because in sec 3 and 4, there are 2 classrooms per level that are given air con. So 2 outta 9 is not exactly say a very good chance, but we are blessed to be the only ones who have air-con for two years straight:D But in my class itself, all our nonsense talk and all that really makes me happy. I've been so happy in this class. Been having fun like siaooo.

I'm blessed also, with(relatively) good grades=D.

Have i improved?

Well yes.

Am I there yet?

Definitely no. Haha. I needa reduce my points by like 10 to get into ACSI or NJC(see, not very good yet)

Well, Jia You! haha. And thank God for what i got=)))

Blessed a crazy amount?

Yes!!!

And yes, my God is faithful ;)

2)I haven't been online in soooooo long!

I know i haven't blogged for the past 6 daysss.... But i have a good excuse! my uncle from Aussieland was back in SG and i think I've spent donno how many nights(including tonight) going out for dinner with him! haha. he's like my dad leh :/

Haha which is a good thing, because I really like my dad!

Haha and yeah. I haven't seen him ina while so it's nice to get to see him again:D did i mention he's really nice?

I tell you a story!!!(haha sorry)

Anyway, so today was the last day of school. And horror of horrors! I didn't know i had so many files in the cupboard of the class:P

So Christabel, As the wonderful friend who I bought a blouse for and who returns the favour by buying me 3 cups of milo(one of which she whacked ALL OVER my NEW belt and book and KATE SPADE WALLET, in the MIDDLE OF THE QUADRANGLE forcing me to spend FIVE BUCKS on a new PE shirt on the LAST DAY OF SCHOOL) :) and also thinks about me enough to write stuff about me (her idea of what should be an IDEAL BOYFRIEND[TOTALLY EXAGGERATED AND ALARMING!!!]) on the classes WHITE BOARD IN FRONT) for everyone in class to see ;) haha. Oh and she likes to talk about me at our breakfast table sharing her concerns(AS WELL AS MY SECRETS!!!!!!!!) regarding me :D (ok I really love chris. I understand accidents. HAHA.)

Yeah anyway.......

She digs them out and passes to me which amounts to an alarming FOUR files to carrying home which are chocked full of paper.... So yes. Cannot go kaikai after school (OK LA THEY ALL PANG SEHED ME AS WELL!!!:(((().

So I called my grandmas house and asked that someone come pick me up because I'm so sure I would have fallen down least i take the bus. So yeah!

My uncle comes pick me up and then brings me to buy Dolly Magazine:D (which cost a bomb)!!!! And my favourite drink(teh bing) at my favourite place on earth(Holland Village)!:DDD. So yes, it really made me very happy because even though I couldn't go out to kaikai with friends, the short half hour he spent out with me was enough to make my day=))) Ok yeah la. It was also sort of a short kaiai thing. heh.

Haha. Pity he'll be gone tmr=(.

Note to self: Must somehow convince parents to bring me over to Sydney for Fam holiday to visit Aussieland Relatives:D

Yeah. But til then. I pray God give me grace to wake up at 4am as well as wake up my grandma so we can all go see him off at Changi tomorrow!

Yesyes.

3)I'm sewing a dress!!!

Spotlight keeps advertising in Dolly that you can sew stuff, so I'm try my hand at a simple white and pink bustier dress/blouse. It will be my annual End year sewing project!

But it's not so simple. I'm a nut at buying cloth and realised I just wasted like a lot of cash cuz i donno how to measure my size. HEH.

Subject To Change:

2010-10-22T22:00:00.001+08:00

At what age would I start dating: When God let's me know its time:)

Character/Personality:
-Sweet?
-Protective?

Family background:
-Preferably Christian

Biodata:
-Older than me and Christian!

Favourite Food:
-Anything except weird foods! (eyeballs)

Style of dressing:
-Nice

Favourite Music:
-Mainstream but conservative

Interest and hobbies:
-Anything nice(as long as not overly interested)

Favourite games/sports:
-LAND GAMES!

Career plans:
-God set!

Ambitions:
-God set and God led!

Special Abilities:
-Strong?
-Macho?
-Tall?

Fears or worries:
-NOT COCKROaCHES!

Strengths and Weaknesses:
-Emotionally mature
-Responsible

Perspectives and viewpoints (on social, moral, political, gender issues:
-Preferably similar to mine

Who his friends are and how he treats them:
-Treats them the same way he'd treat me (not two faced)

His interactions with people of different socio-economic status:
-The same as how Jesus would treat them

...

Haha we did this is Sex Ed today! And yeah. They didn't give me back exactly what I wrote so this is about 85% the same as what I had written and what I can remember.

One day maybe 5 years from now, I'll look back and laugh, haha ok. I'm already laughing from looking back at what i wrote this morning, but yes, subject to change. I myself am going to change(hopefully for the better and in a direction God would want me to change into).

Well anyway, I think I've been a little (ok,very) competitive this term, and last term... maybe since end of term two? And yeah, I hate being this competitive. I think the main reason why is because when you're competitive, you're best is never good enough for you and you keep trying to 'fight' with everyone.

I guess its about knowing that God made you the way you are and you're meant to help others, not constantly want to kill them during the examinations. Like the attitude shouldn't be:

How many people did I manage to beat this term.

But rather:

Did I score as well as I wanted to this term.

Cuz I guess when our yardstick is everyone else, all you wanna do is beat them. And I apologize to my classmates who have had to put up with all that this year. I'm sorry and I didn't mean to wanna put any one of you down. You guys are my sisters and I'll work towards building you up. Which i haven't been doing.

Yeah...

I feel like I climb to the top right now and realise its just a feel of 'so what?' going on right now. It's a purposeless fight. Get the highest total average in class this term and then what. Doesn't make me a better person. In fact, the ends doesn't justify the means of constantly aiming and feeling that you just have to kill everyone to get to the top. That's so not gracious and un-Jesus like(?).

Yeah. One day, I wanna be like my mum's friend, who when she was in MG, would actually go up to her and say 'you did so well. I'm so happy for you.', sincerely when my mum beat her.

Wow.

That's what Jesus would do. He'd also probably help His classmates.

Ok fine. I would never know what Jesus would have really done! Because He never went to secondary school (He doesn't need to, He knows everything). But I'm sure it's something that God would want me to do. And that's gotta and gonna be my motivation next year.

I've been thinking lately

2010-10-20T20:20:00.002+08:00

I have to be honest with you. Sometmes I feel very... sluggish.

It's like its after the exams, I have so much time, yet i have so little time. i wanna start studying again but honestly i have no heart to and i can't seem, to push myself off my butt and get working!( yes I think i've been telling myself too much that its only been 1 week + since I last took my exams and Not all my results have come out(ok fine they will all be out tomorrow!)

I just don't wanna start studying. I wanna go out and have meals with my friends and talk and walk around and all that kinda stuff I seriously day dream about EVERY SINGLE DAY during my school time. What's worse is that i dream about doing it after my EOYs which... WOW have already passed!And i have to be grateful to God because I feel like for that short less than a week period last week, i managed to get the chance to live the dream;)

Yeah. I feel like. I was so scared to go into this exam period and even though more than 2/3s of my results have come out, I'm just really grateful for all that God has blessed me with. I feel like. I love Him a lot more now. And i guess that's part of the walk. You just wanna/needa spend time wth Him EVERYDAY.

Maybe it's because I hit plateau for a while. And when God's been guiding(pre-exam), strengthenning(during exam),blessing(post exam) and merciful(GD who had minor heart attack and is currently recovering well), all so suddenly, it's honestly hard not to fall deeper in love with a God who's been watching over you.

I feel like sometimes I don't have as much of the luxury of time as I would want to spend with God. But I feel there's something inside that craves more for Him. Hmmm... deeper longing? Quite possibly.

Well yes. Been having fun

Sorry

2010-10-17T21:23:00.002+08:00

Ok I haven't been blogging in a while, I apologize!

Well my grandad's gotten down again and so pray for him to be well yeah? I pray I'll trust God in this whole thing. Honestly I guess it's kinda scary. But yeah. God can do great things.

I really thank God because I think I've been out and about and enjoying myself every single day during the marking days. Gone shopping and watching movies and things like that. So yeah. Really grateful that my mum let me. Haha.

Tomorrow's a new daunting week and I'm unsure of what to expect. I pray God keep us all safe and happy. And I hope things all go well tomorrow. I kinda don't wanna go for sports day, but like, I should just trust God with my grandad and be go on. I just donno what to do.

Oh well. Pray and trust God yeah=)?

I hope I get more opportunities to have fun. Oh well. I'm also an eager(maybe too confident?) beaver to see my results. I just hope that wouldn't be the end of all my happiness if its bad :P

So yeah. We'll see how the whole of next week goes, it'd gonna be a rollercoaster I'm sure.

Exams are overrr...

2010-10-13T22:21:00.002+08:00

So happy. So blessed.

Bought snakeskin pink 5inch leather heels for 5 dollars from novo and my school shoes with elastic straps from cotton on for 5 dollars... ahh... so nice. So far.

been going out and having fun. its all i expected and more.

I Love Regent

2010-10-05T21:39:00.004+08:00

The exams are coming really fast. Tomorrow's my Emath paper and I'm quite shocked at how unscared I am right now. heh. Maybe it will kick in tomorrow morning

I've finally come to the realisation that

A) This week's passing so fast and soon I will be a very free woman. This is my last EOYs and one week from now, I'll be playing like siao.

B) My life is actually veryvery nice. I'm very happy with the things that have been happening to me. Despite the fact that its the exam period. My God is still my God and He has never changed. Although sometimes we may see Him in different aspects of our life, like now. He's a comforting omnipotent God who's also with me. Yups. Don't get any better than that.

I'm in love with Bruno Mar's song Just The Way You Are. Awww. Sho sveet.

Ok. Byebye.

This Week

2010-09-30T10:02:00.002+08:00

I'[ve really been trying to study hard, but yeah. There just seems to be too much doing work. Like I wanna study my geog and chem and all that, but i just seem to constantly be doing homework and assignments. Which are also good of course, because we all need the practise, but I really need to try to find the time to sit and study geog.

And I was thinking, maybe this is reflective of what life is like when we're busy. Like the thing that we really need to do is just sit with God and get to know Him instead of constantly learning ABOUT Him. Sometimes I think people can get the two mixed up.

Or

We just get so distracted with eevrything, we dont end up getting to sit down and really get to know God from the way tahts really essential cuz things in life sometimes get thrown at us too much.

So yes, c'est la vie.

This last week

2010-09-27T21:03:00.002+08:00

Ok so after this, seriously no more lessons. im so glad and so like shocked that I've finished one whole year if syllabus for like.. all my subs! In case you do not know, THATS A LOT. And yeah, it will be included in my o levels.

May God give me grace to have all my effort done to this now and to not waste my time. In 15days, i will be done with all this. So yeah, work hard now and play hard later.

I think God has blessed me with so much and I feel that this time round... He's with me and he's blessed me so much already. So I hope that i will soar on what He's given to me and not let it go to waste. I guess... we should all CRAVE a deeper relationship with God STILL during this busy period.

I had a fabulous weekend which just reminds me that I'm getting older faster. ME and my GPs and parents went to West Coast Plaza and ate dinner and went for ice cream after that... ah... my sec school days weekend nights... One day Imma grow up into JC or maybe Uni and then realise that it seemed so far away... sigh. Nice.

Anyway, here's the grand 'me morning' plan for one of my marking days after my exams!

-Nice morning

-Nice cafe(Starbucks HV or orchard?)

-Nice cuppa coffee/hot chocolate

-Nice dress(yes it matters!)

-Nice book to devour

-Nice plan for the rest of the day after that

Yeah. And I just bought the book to go for my after exams plan=)

Well about my last week, as all violin exams for me have gone and will probably go, veryveryveryveryvery bad section for scales. I actually feel like failing is a gigantic possibility and if i do, i will be devastated but it is, in fact, highly likely.

So yeah. I cant look back and regret now, no point=(

Gotta keep straining forward to the future! And yes. Sth from a part of the Bible like that... yeah.

No, I Will Sigh No More (Non il giova sospirar)

2010-09-22T20:54:00.002+08:00

Im so sorry. Why.

Next Week

2010-09-19T21:02:00.003+08:00

Next week,

on Tuesday I have phy6 SPA

on Wednesday I have violin grade 6 exam

on Thursday I have chem SPA

WORRIED CAN.

Must keep in mind that my God, who is bigger than anything, any of my worries is with me and I can rest assured that He is with me.

Like of course I'm worried. All those things which I wil be going throguh next week, will stick with me FOR LIFE. And they actually matter. More than my EOY exams because even if I don't do well for my EOY, its not final that my O level scores will be bad.

That's why there's a sense of nervousness for each of those things next week. I just need God's peace with me.

CAN YOU PRAY FOR ME. SERIOUSLY. I DONNO WHO YOU ARE. BUT I WOULD APPRECIATE IT AND THANK YOU LIKE SIAO IF YOU TELL ME. IF YOU DONT ALSO CAN. KNOW THAT I WOULD:)

Why oh Keri, do you have so little faith. Hmmm....

When everybody else is getting outta bed..

2010-09-17T22:56:00.003+08:00

I'm already in school and more than half way into the first half of my school morning=(

I think this week just zooooooooomed by. Like so quickly and I think it was even faster than my school hols.

Next week I have my violin grade 6(hopefully not my last exam ever:/) and SPA for both chem and physics. I really need to get down to revising and all that rubbish. Really.

I think I get tired already thinking about next week. I get stressed trying to finish some chem work. And yeah... sometimes I completely just fall asleep and I didn't get to practise violin today:/ or revise. I wanna practise now but I also wanna be considerate to my neighbours. HAHA. Yeah. scully they throw pots and pans at my potted plants on my patio(alliteration not intended).

I am flustered. I need to start revising more as well. I find that most of my time is spent just trying to clear the loads of homework that I have. Sitting down and studying is what I'm lacking. Needa start revising especially for my humans like geog and SS and I think maybe I should reread F451.

So now the important thing is to still keep God your number 1. Really. And to look for Him as your source of strength. And most of all, not to panick=) Haiizzzz=(

This Holidayyy

2010-09-10T20:53:00.004+08:00

Ok I have:

cried,

laughed,

carried people,

been carried,

played badminton,

played soccer,

saw my friends,

studied and slept(oh yes overslept as well)...

I've finished a crazy ton of hw, and honestly have a crazy ton more to go:/

I have also:

Shopped til I dropped,

Talked on the phone every night,

taken a walk,

Eaten a lot,

Bought a new spiritual journal,

And new pens to write in it,

I've been trying:

To watch my weight!

To practise violin!

To give my all to God(partial surrender still=()

To finish my homework!

To talk to more people

To enjoy myself.

...

It's only like 3 months til the end of the year! And til I cut my hair again... Whoa. I wanna finish this year well. And thoroughly study hard so that the two months that follow can be used to play hard.

Really, I think that starting on a new spiritual journal has been... such a big thing for me. This would be my third one. And yeshhh... when i last bought my blue one, how'd I have guessed what each page would record. Only God knows of course. And I'm excited for my future spiritual walk and yeah. really wanna fill it each day with my struggles/thoughts/joys.

In other news, today's Hari Raya, was also... fun! haha. Yeah I say that every year. and I think that last years may have been funner cuz Zoey, Zeke and Ariel were in SG and we did all the random talking stuff we did.

I think this week is seriously passing so fast. And yeah... it will be like that til my EOYs start in like 4weeks. And yeah. Even shorter til violin exam. HAHA. Seriously panicking over SPA and Vio grade 6 cuz they are both on the same week:/

May God give me peace...

Term 3 is OVAAAAAAA-RRRRRRRYYYYYY

2010-09-06T23:02:00.004+08:00

Geddit??Geddit? ok nevermind. Like ovary... you know you know... you know bio? haha.

Ok yeah so i didn't really see it coming, but term three's over and done with! My sec 3 year is 3/4 gone. Quite fast and suddenly it will be term 4 next week and EOY period will be on an all time high soon. Christmas suddenly seems round the corner.

Like I remember at the start of the year, I spent time looking forward to teacher's day. And then it passed so fast. This one week break is really short but I guess its the breather we all need before we take on this EOY period.

I like busybusy holidays, cuz I guess they are always the most fun. And yeah. Thats why I like em busy. Provided I can finish all the work I've set for myself out to do.

Sometimes I feel like a shuttlecock. Being hit back and forth. You drop, get picked up and get hit back and forth again. This is cheesy to say, but why can't the shuttlecock spread its wings and fly away.

I'm asking God why I'm walking in this dessert. Yes, yes I am.

Let's Talk About Love

2010-08-31T17:00:00.004+08:00

Yeah really, I've been thinking about it.

You see right, nowadays it ain't uncommon to see like people getting into 'unserious relationships'. Honestly, sometimes they get into it without even knowing it's not serious or not seriously thinking about why on earth they are even getting into a relationship of that sort. But nonetheless, whether they know it or not, it still becomes an 'unserious' one. And ends as such.

Firstly,

what on earth do i mean when i say an unserious relationship...

Well basically, if you get you into it and somehow know that it isn't gonna last. Yeah. That's unserious. Meaning that you are in that relationship with the person without the intention to marry him/her. Or somehow you try to kid yourself into believing so. Which ever, there's obviously about 0 chance of a 'forever after'.'

Secondly,

why on earth do people get into it...

Well obviously, either they know it. Or.. they don't. If they know it, well then no comment. I don't need to say anymore... But if they don't, also very common. Sometimes when I see someone my age, younger, or slightly older and they sincerely believe that whatever they have gotten themselves into is gonna last, sometimes i worry for them. Because i guess they haven't really thought it through. The moment you know something isn't gonna last, drop it.

Some famous actress once said that if you 'take a bite out of an apple and its rotten, throw it away. Don't try to convince yourself there's nothing wrong with it.'

Thirdly,

how on earth are you gonna know whether its 'serious' or not?

Well first of all, make sure you are in love with the person. Meaning you love the person. Meaning you are not in love with the feeling of being loved. Ask yourself why you love this person. Is (insert reason why you love person so much) gonna be something that's gonna last forever? This can be easily confused with loving the feeling of being loved. If you love the feeling of being in love, its just passion and it runs out. Called infatuation. NOT love. And really, please don't get me started on liking someone cuz of looks or whatever. I'm not saying go marry an ugly person. But looks should NOT be a reason.

'Baby I love twirling your hair and looking into your eyes' -NOT LOVE.

Your hair might drop out and your eyes may get wrinkles. Seriously.

And second ( and last) of all how long you have been FRIENDS before you got into a romantic relationship and how close you were as FRIENDS( meaning i didn't even like you and you didn't even like me) before considering getting into a relationship. Now I know I've never gotten into anything, but this is something i've observed.

Seriously, I DONT BELIEVE IN BLIND DATES, SET UPS, OR ANYTHING OF THAT NATURE WHEN SEARCHING FOR 'THE ONE' BECAUSE I DONT BELIEVE IN LAFS(love at first sight). Why? Cuz yeah. LAFS is solely based on veryvery little knowledge about WHO the person REALLYREALLYREALLY is on the inside. That's why if you guys have known each other for two months as friends and suddenly get into something, a little bit fast eh. How close as friends can you really get in two months enough to say that after knowing the person almost inside out you say 'Man i wanna spend the rest of my life with you!'.

After knowing you for a short while, he/she tries to 'get' you. Buys you stuff, takes you out, won't do it for you if you were just his/her friend. Acts really weird and super nice to you and tries to be everything. I have to be honest, it ain't gonna be like that forever. You think he's still gonna be like that after you guys get married? I'm not saying he won't open doors/pull out chairs for you(I know husbands who do!) or won't cook your favourite food or write you notes(eh sure got wives liddat lor) after getting married, but I think we should really ask ourselves whether the 'nice' behaviour is gonna last through marriage.

Yeah. Of course love is a choice. Which is why couples hold on and people who are in serious relationships break up. But while you're not yet in it (which is why i can't talk about the dynamics of being in one)think about why you wanna get into it. If you're in it, always ask yourself if you are prepared to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with that person regardless of their inabilities and limitations. Do you wanna? If not don't waste your time and your emotion. If so, keep asking God where the two of you should go.

'Partners have to BE together. Soul mates just ARE together.' - that Shalom In The Home Guy

Basically this guy is just trying to say that one set of them has to force each other to stay together despite the easiness to just break up while the other is just naturally clicking as God meant them to be together.
...

Anyway today is teacher's day and i've seriously had the worse one. Me and my mum had a miscommunication and now its all turned sour, i pray that God save my holidays and teach me to be wise. I just don't know how to explain to my mum about what happened today and why i didn't tell her I was going out. i hope i didn't disappoint her tooooooooooooo much. May God give me grace and a whole lot of it tonight. And if everything turns out fine, thank God.

If I get majorly killed, well, still thank God that He's with me and that He won't leave or forsake me.

(no, i wasn't with a boy)

My daddy

2010-08-27T10:58:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I feel very blessed because my Dad is sometimes really so nice to me.

Especially since I've been having so much kid behavior lately.

A few nights ago, my mum was really mean and I ended up crying. And then I think God made it such that I would fill out the student survey form and then I could get the free lollipop.

So yeah. then as I was crying, Like a little kid, I unwrapped my chupa chup and began to suck on it and i slowly stopped crying.

The second kid like behavior one was last night when my mum made me really angry when i was at Ikea again. And then I saw my favorite Ikea biscuit and then i was like 'daddy i want biscuit'! And then he bought it for me. haha. Kid behvior. Anyuway yeah. At Ikea, my mum really made me so angry but he was nice enough to talk to me and give me salmon and stuff. Haha.

And anyway, in other news, we're supposed to dress liek characters from Alice In Wonderland next Tuesday. Haha. So loving Alice and Lewis Carols' book, I'm going as Alice=)

I really like her, i guess its her constant child-like bewilderment at things that happen that makes me admire her. Yeah, I think we should be mature, but yeah. There's something more... amazed about things that she really has and that I think most of us need nowadays. And she's got that child like faith that everybody wants... maybe cuz she is a child. haha.

I also love her super cutesy style. Haha. She's like an inspiration to me.

Black Hair Bow - check

Blue Skirt- check

White Top - check

Black Shoes - check

White socks? i donno if i want...

Black waist bow?.. in the sewing;)

It Doesn't Matter If...

2010-08-24T21:20:00.002+08:00

You scored 260 for your PSLE
or below 150...

You got a single digit for your O levels
or above 20 points...

You got straight As and a distinction for your GP/KI
or you didn't even get one...

God still loves you
.
.
.
.
.
I think we've heard it too many times.

they always tell you at that as long as you put in your best, it doesn't matter.

But I always ask myself what does doing your best compromise.

If you totally lose your youth mugging away, forget it. Being a rounded individual is better.(provided you actually try when you do la)

If you don't lose your youth mugging away, God has blessed you.You gotta use it well.

If you feel that you are somewhere in between...strive to go BOTH ways.(this is easily attainable)

(I'm not saying that if you are the above two, don't try to be the other. Go for... balance)

Always bare in mind that God loves you most. No matter what you get. You're His kid.

And He made you with just the right amount of intellect. Which makes you competent for what He wants for you.

To the world, As are As.But the Bs and Cs you get may be in God's eyes His best for you.

Good night world, I hope you're happy with whatever results you've got, I think 15pts is good, for me, in my eyes and God gave it to me. All by His grace. Thank God for improvement:)

Today!

2010-08-20T21:14:00.003+08:00

I had a perfect(well I would say it was good!) day!

I woke up early, bathed, put on vanilla body lotion and got ready for my long day.

My mum fetched me and my ah ma and my younger cousin to United Square cuz it was raining.

I went to eat a MacDonald's breakfast(hot cakes and sausage + ice milo +fries!!!) with my Ah ma and my youngest cousin.

We then went to Pei Kio market and bought pork and went to 7/11.

I went back, played a little soccer with my cousin.

Ate the pork ball porridge my grandma made(yeah thats why we went to the market, haha).

Watched the YOG gymnastics and badminton when my 2nd younger cousin came back.

Then I went to orchard via cab and my grandma kept giving me jewelry and cab fare(excuse to dump A LOT of extra money on me)...

Went to shop in Ion and bought a nice dress and shades from New Look and it only cost 16.90! What a steal!(hahahahahaha)

Bought a present for my friend and my father...flip flops.

Then went to watch Step Up 3D at Cine and ate pop corn and sushi and funny things in the theatre

Then walked back to Ion to buy Starbucks with Hilarie...

And then MRT-ed back to sommerset to window shop.

Then i bought dinner for mummy and took train to near daddy's office and he picked me up and drove me home.

Came back and had violin...

It was such a nice day its something i can't stop reminiscing about... haha. For now. The epitome of how I wanna spend Teenage life... With family and friends and not forgetting your roots. Ahhhh....

Yeah, God writes everyday. SOOOO... I hope He has written more days like this for me=) Haha, confirm will have. As i continue grow up...

These Last Weeks

2010-08-17T21:14:00.003+08:00

You know how often we say/sing that God is faithful and He is merciful and everything?

But do you know how much more it means when you really really really really really truly experience it?

Sometimes I think we have the wrong perception of God. Of who He really is. I think I honestly did. I saw God in a way that I would see a man. But I think as much as we often say that God can feel, He doesn't feel like a human does. Because humans are emotional and humans want love and humans get angry when they don't get the love reciprocated.

God is NOT a human being.

God is God.

Therefore God is different.

When we stray or disobey Him, He doesn't get angry(well maybe that's a minor emotion). I think that when we stray, God really just wants us to come back, reallyreallyreallyreallyreally badly. That's all He wants. Like the prodigal son(my case, daughter lor), when the son went byebye, God just wanted His son back, and all He wanted was His son back. He welcomed his kid with open arms and was sososososo happy.

Well yeah I felt this a few nights ago, I thought honestly, so honestly, that I did something horrible, so horrible, and I really thought God wouldn't want a kid who would deliberately disobey Him. I honestlyhonestly thought God would be so angry. I honestly thought God would never wanna be close to me again. Because I can't say it here but I did something so horrible, and I KNEW IT.

But God spoke to me the next day at chapel, and He doesn't forsake us in our weaknesses. And I don't need to say anymore, but yeah. He's truly everything to me. He's my win. Cuz everything else compared to gaining God after knowing Him is a real loss.

So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me that

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weaknessI know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

God is really merciful. I don't know how He could love me so unconditionally. I don't think I could even.

Falling Down

2010-08-10T21:10:00.002+08:00

Ok today I did a horrible run, and as i was going up the step, i slipped on some loose gravel and stuff and like cartoons when they slip on marbles, i epically slipped off the pavement, onto the road and fell face forward on the ground and i lay on my tummy and chest and didn't move because... there was this car that drove towards me, right on that road only about one or two arm spans away from where i lay in total shock.

I got up, and even though i had walked like half the running distance, i was in such shock and pain i ran past my dad who was shocked too and even though i felt the sting in the abrasions on my body i just kept running.

I even shouted while running at my dad 'I DONT WANNA LOOK, I DONT WANNA LOOK'...

And yeah, i could feel the sting of the gross dirt and whatever stuff on my cuts and i just ran and ran and ran. Haha. Must have had some adrenalin as a painkiller. So yeah. I got back, and I'm so shocked to find that yeah, God really saved me because the way i slipped while running was really... quite a bad fall. It could have been. But i would say there isn't many scrapes and maybe God held me up so I wouldn't get too hurt...

So yeah, it got me all thinking. Like sometimes in life, we do stupid things. Or stupid things happen to us but even though we may be afflicted in any way, God is there to catch us.

Remember when I was 5 and fell off a two story pillar and caused the blood clot to be in my head(yeah still there)?

I was disobeying my grandparents by climbing their pillar, but God really saved me. Because I know I could have died because i landed on my head and had internal bleeding.

Like whenever we fall in life, sometimes maybe our pain is so great all we can think about is the fact that we have fallen or been hurt in some way or other, but how often do we stop to think,that God caught us in the midst of it because there's always something to be grateful for and the possibility of our consequence being much worse.

With that said, falling down also isn't good, because it will leave marks on us and have it in our heads(no pun intended about my blood clot!) forever that we've gotten hurt. Which is why you should as far as possible, within your control, NOT FALL. Yeah God can catch you but seriously, don't put yourself in any vulnerable position cuz you never know how bad your 'injury' can get.

So yeah. Don't do stupid things, if you've already done stupid things... then yeah, remember God caught you anyway =)

And yeah, be more careful next time ;)

Love's a cage

2010-08-08T21:33:00.001+08:00

Yes how true. I think peer pressure for me right now is really great and stuff, and its important that I make the right choices. May God really give me wisdom. And send teachers along the way to guide me. Cuz I know he's working in me. And yeah, I don't wanna go wayward.

So fast

2010-08-03T21:33:00.003+08:00

Ok, tomorrow's my first CT and I won't lie, its so fast, where has all that time since the June hols gone to. I can't believe its all over. It doesn't seem too long ago that me and Chris and Mich were dicussing about Teacher's Day plans and the presents and gifts/cards we would prepare for our teachers. Hard to believe that was during our last CT period and now it's almost 1st September. Like my 2010 has been so wonderful and its ending soon. After CTs, I'll be jumping straight into my EOYS.

Like yeah, the June hols seemed like some distant time zone and so, so much has happened from then to now. And yeah, God has been faithful throughout the many ups and downs and surprises this year in my life. It's been a quantum leap.

I know tomorrow will bring much surprise(yet again, the feeling of being with my classmates outside the classroom all nervous and scared and praying with all our textbooks while Mrs Chow/Mr Lim prepares our papers inside the classroom never ever gets old.). God is faithful, so yeah, I needn't be fearful... I'm just... nervous. Like i really wanna do so much better than before. Yeah, that's why I've stopped revising now, cuz no matter how hard i continue to study, I will never feel 'secure enough' to walk into the exam feeling completely confident. I'm just hopeful. Pray pray.

Yeah, anyway we had this emath test. And I got soooooo stuck on the first question, so i quickly prayed and asked God to show me something on how to do it. I was so so desperate. And then yeah, He gave me the cleverness to read the statement. Haha. I realised and I solved it just fine;).

Now ain't my God such a good, good God?

Head Up On Your Shoulder

2010-07-30T10:17:00.000+08:00

I had a dream last night, and in my dream, boyfriend was so much taller than me(which is actually not that tall), I couldn't rest my head on his shoulder no matter how hard/many times i tried.HAHAHAHA. Woe to the vertically challenged. Haha.

Disclaimer: I am not despo and do not desire to be in any kind of romantic relationship... nor do i have a boyfriend

C'est La Vie

2010-07-25T21:45:00.002+08:00

Ok yeah, the things we do sometimes have consequences that stick with us for life. And what happened on friday was a wonderful example of it. I may walk away knowing I'm forgiven but I'm sorry that I can't stop to wonder 'what if'

(In case you are wondering, I did not lose my virginity or get pregnant and abort)

I know what happened will definitely stick with me for a long time more. Years probabbly until trust that's been broken can safely be regained back again.

And it's gonna hurt at certain times. Like breaking a bone, you won't be able to utilise that function immediately, it takes a lot of time, but I'm willing to work on it.

I took a walk downstairs where my pool was just now. I talked to God and cried and seemed like an emo kid(wearing a seriously bright orange dry fit shirt!), but it was worth it. And I know that no matter how we've blown it, God still takes us back. Cuz I know I must've broken God's heart so many times but did it again and again and I didn't stop.

Well case closed, and it will be awhile until everything can work properly again. And I so hope it does as soon as possible.

Caught

2010-07-24T21:13:00.003+08:00

Haha ok, what I did yesterday was really stupid.

Do I regret it?

Haha yeah.

Anyway as for the consequences, I think I accept it.

(Nothing is secret in my family)

But I know what I did was wrong and I won't do it again.

*signed a contract with God*

So yeah.

I really got what I deserved. And I'm ok with it, I'm also not that ashamed of it. Haha. Yes, the joy that comes with knowing that you're forgiven by God is all that you really need. I just hope my mum comes round again.

Dystopic Seriously...

2010-07-21T21:15:00.003+08:00

My mum just sent me a text to tell me to take a cab home if it storms tomorrow... And she's in the room less than 10m away from me.

...

Anyway, I went over to my GD's house yesterday and he said my worksheets looked like giam chye. So he said it was cuz seeing my general file reminded him of his friend who was like seriously atheist and stuff. Refused to hear about God, didn't wanna believe And then apparently he had cancer. And he was gonna die, so the doctors wanted to operate on him.

Right before that dude's operation, the doctors did a scan and couldn't find a trace of the cancer. He turned 180 degrees in his beliefs and started asking around for Bibles and devotional materials and stuff. And apparently his Bible ended up looking like giam chye cuz it had been, as we say about our pieces of favourite clothing, overloved. Haha.

So yeah. God can do anything. Yesyes.

Of Eskimos and Mosquitoes

2010-07-15T21:19:00.002+08:00

In Car...

Sis:(sth about being happy with no economy...sth liddat la)

Mum:The only way to have no economy and be happy is maybe if you're like an eskimo lor. Everyday sit at the hole in the ice and wait to catch fish. Then life very easy lor, just catch fish, eat and be happy.

(Image of cartoon eskimo sitting at a hole,smiling and catching fish comes to mind...)

Me and Sis: *Look at each other*

Mum: Ok la,maybe the eskimo only become sad when he cannot catch fish.Then he got no food.

(Image of cartoon eskimo sitting at a hole,frowning cuz he can't catch any fish comes to mind)

Me and Sis: LAUGH.

In School...

Ms Tan: I once ever took a student, whose...dyslexia was so bad and she kept reading the word 'eskimo' as 'mosquito'.So like apparently the 'mosquito who lives in the north pole and fishes wales...'I donno,I wanted to laugh,cuz you get these very funny images of mosquitoes doing very funny thing.

HAHAHAHAHA.

Ok yeah,eskimoes are very cute. Lol.

Anyway I've been very busy lately. Like I think theres a lot of underlying stress about school and violin and all that funny stuff, so yeah. Thats how I've been feeling lately. I just don't wanna slack, I really wanna do well this term and next term as well.

Put God First...
But Don't forget your studies
and remember your friends(or fam for that matter)

Stressed

2010-07-11T21:10:00.002+08:00

I will not lie.

Tomorrow got physics test.

Got founders day next week + concert.

Got hw which I'm not good at doing.

I am so,so stressed.Really.Like on top of that,theres all the stuff in life you wanna change.I'm so stressed.I've changed from asking God 'how' to 'why'.

This Morning...

2010-07-06T21:14:00.002+08:00

Alarm rings...

I get out of bed,turn off the charger,take out my phone and read a text...

I climb down my ladder,struggle to the toilet and brush my teeth.

I take a shower,leave the toilet,see sis looking at me:

'WTH are you doing?!'

*think...think...think....*

'Oh!It's 1 am isit?!'

'Yeah!'

...

Lately,I usually put my phone on the charger before I go to sleep,and then I set the alarm for a few hours later and then go and turn off the charger and go back to sleep...Haha,God is so good.

These few days

2010-07-05T21:17:00.003+08:00

So yes,school has started!And so has a new Bible chapter for my QT=) now on Proverbs!And there's one thing that has been popping up again and again,is that wisdom is seriously for the taking.It calls to us and stuff.Its all about what we choose to do after we have it...Today was also youth day celebration!I think I've done everything I wanted to do today,go have breakfast(super late) at my favourite place(Holland Village!),brought my friends home and went out for a movie which we never watched.Haha.

And i got to buy the hot/bright pink I've been eyeing at The Face Shop.I finished my homework,did my house chores and had time to have fun.Wow.Haha.I think the littlest things can make me really happy!

I think while we're young,live slowly and enjoy the time God has given us to be youths=)

Don't forget Him,remember Him in the days of our youth.

Don't ignore HIm,He has so much to say.

And grow up and with Him,everyday.

Haha,I'm ryhming,anyway,yeah,I like being young.And I hope I will be for a long time,cuz young does not mean immature.Haha.

Back From KL

2010-06-27T21:09:00.002+08:00

YUP!The closest people I have to girl cousins=))).Haha.I feel really blessed after this KL trip.Like I guess going away and having family from like a different country kinda shows you your roots and all.It may only have been a 30 hour trip but I've seen a lot already and I think the biggest take away wasn't the shopping(didn't buy much) but the fact that I really got a great chance to meet 'the other side'.Haha.

Some things never change,after years of being apart,we still:

spent the first night we meeting,eating,jumping on the bed,fooling around.

Some things also change after years of being apart:

Breaking into the hotel swimming pool floor to camwhore and getting chased out by the security gaurd(literally!),visiting the club level and like...i donno.walking around in front of the bouncers and of course shopping together(although me and sis were the ones doing all the shopping,heh).

Well I will be back to KL and yes,I will meet my cousins again!

Well yes,had a blast.And school starts tomorrow!Heh,gotta sleep early.And gotta work hard this term.

Put God first,
But don't forget your studies.

Yeah.PUTGODFIRST.I think thats honestly harder to do than the 2nd.Heh.

Ok so lately.......

2010-06-25T14:57:00.002+08:00

Haha,I went to school this week cuz like everyone else was forced too,and God has been blessing me throughout and honestly i did miss school and i can honestly and safely say that it has been a few good days.

In a few hours imma be heading off to KL and back my tmr night,haha.I don't really wanna go. Honestly i don't really wanna go but...i don't really have a choice.heh.I hope i make the best of it though,and stay grateful for this opportunity:)

Haha,see you guys in like...30 hours!HAHA.

Church Camp/Father's Day/Not Bathing Or Doing QT For 2 Days

2010-06-20T22:23:00.002+08:00

I think God really posed to me a gooooooooood question during church camp:

Was I willing to follow God's perfect will for me,even if it meant putting aside my own dreams and wills and ambitions?

'Jesus replied, "The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.'-John 12:23-25

When I read this I was really like 'Uh oh,God's speaking...'.And yeah,it really broke me,because what if God was willing to take all those dreams you had away to give you HIS BEST.Would you love that more than what YOU WANT.So yeah,to glorify Him and to live out what He wants for you or to live out what you wanted all along.

Its about which one you love more,you're life,or God's will.

So yeah,Remember my motto,Put God first,but don't forget your studies.(Haha,the TCIY course was awesomeezzz)

Must remember cuz school starts tmrD:May God guide me through.

...

Ok,I made my dad angry on Father's Day and it so did not turn out as planned=(Poor daddy.

...

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE,I DIDNT BATHE FOR YESTERDAY AND THE DAY BEFORE!!!Like that's like not bathing for 2 days ok...so while you're still grossed out,I'll tell you something else...

In the two days that i didn't bathe,I also NEVER DO QT!!!I KNOW I KNOW...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.Haha.Ok,but I bathed before I went out for JYM today ok,so please don't panic.Haha.

(I didn't bathe cuz I couldn't find the time,I didn't do QT cuz I forgot/fell asleep)

But after this,I'll have you know something.Not doing QT is seriously bad,its like you're not refreshed by God's words everyday and you can feel that you're soul isn't rested/connected to God.It's honestly comparable to not bathing.It's something I need to do everyday,cuz sometimes there's more than praying that your soul needs,you need God's word to refresh/teach/speak to you everyday.SO...if you're QT has been dry,put it aside for a while,and come back seeking God honestly.

God said a few times that if we seek Him with all our heart/earnestly,we'll find Him.And I wish so much that my friends and family will do this.To look for Him everyday of their lives,yeah.It's really important.

Okok,pissed

2010-06-13T21:50:00.005+08:00

Ok hello,now that I haven't been spending my time having phone convos with my friends every night,I have good time to sit here and blog about my life to you guys=)haha.

Ok,tomorrow I'm heading off to Meleka for my FIRST CHURCH CAMP=))).Really glad this opportunity came by,heh.

Well within the past 4 days that I have not blogged,here's what has happened:

1.I asked my parents if I could go out with Aaron and Max,my Mum exploded.

2.She said yes reluctantly and later like forgot and said I never asked and ended up saying no.

3.She demanded to meet them like yesterday.HAHAHAHAHAHA.

4.Esther met them over the phone.

5.Esther came for lunch where my mum and dad met them and my mum interrogated them and made a Chicken scared and a Dog (no intention of being insulting,since...yeah) very amused

6.My mum just spent 15mins lecturing me about what self worth and how i shouldn't form close friendships with guys and all that crap.

7.Heh,I'm stubborn.Why can't we all be friends?I'm not looking for a life partner,so her entire segment on that,crap.

8.I will take the good stuff from her lecture and chuck the rest.

Hmm...but there are 3 very big things God has taught me through these 4 days:

1.God works all things out in His time

2.Treasure my parents,cuz I never know when I might lose them

3.Sometimes,if things don't work out well between you and a friend,go and get reconciled,you may be fine with the person,but it isn't if the other person isn't fine with you.

(in case you're wondering,I've learnt these very important things through my friends/this whole big incident)

God really has spoken to me through my friends and through the people around me.SO I'm quite glad.

I'm really grateful for the friends I've made this hols,I really hope we last through it and to whenever God has placed our natural 'friendship expiry date'.But of course,I will always try to remain friends for as long as possible,after all,its only natural.

But whatever I've got now,those close friends,guys and girls(yes I have also ok!!!HAHA),I'm really grateful for them.I know God has blessed me with them as we get involved in each other's lives and change each other.

I think that's why my closest friends are those I've gotten 'involved' with.You get to see the ugly side and love it too.You get the really good side and you love it too.You get to see the normal side and listen.You get to KNOW someone.You get to show each other you're scars,that's real trust,goes both ways.

So yeah,heck about looking 'cheap'(yes my mother said it) because you talk to guys a lot(yes,she worries for me,but she means all the best).I don't care if I do make close guy friends,I'm not about to drop them cuz they mean just as much to me as my close girl friends.

I guess I'll protect my friendships from them by not letting them see when i text and stuff,but I'll not lie either.heh.